Questions for 2002

What kind of people sniff their mail?

Why do shoelaces snap right before a job interview?

Why is it impossible to find vegetable bread sticks, which taste so much better than sesame?

Why does any product featuring sesame seeds lose thousands of them before you get home?

Can anyone doubt the determination to end terrorism when 29 million of us watched 30-year-old Carol Burnett Show bloopers?

How many more high schoolers have to snap before administrators remove Rolo caramels from the vending machines?

Why do we accept sand as a force of nature, yet spend millions on products to control dust?

How can a country make 15,000 pound bombs yet still have to depend on Mexico for comfortable moccasins?

Why didn’t the Burger King product tie-in with the Georgia O’Keefe biopic take off?

Why is there no one named Earl living north of Maryland?

If you’re in a revolving door, do you pause during a moment of silence?

Why aren’t more flatbed truck drivers conversant about Merchant-Ivory films?

Why are there so many more road closings when you have to pee?

Why do all guys named Brock have high cheekbones?

If a team mascot shows up wearing a backpack is he banned from the arena?

Why aren’t ladybugs referred to as personbugs?

How long before John Walker gets his own slot on Biography?

How will they get the bomb-sniffing dogs under the ice at the Winter Olympics?

Exactly what part of Mariah Carey’s treatment involves her being hoisted in the air by G.I.s while wearing a half-zipped designer camouflage outfit?

If we avoid Brian Boitano’s version of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible on ice, do the terrorists win?

When Keith Richard dies, will mourners flock to Poppy Fields?

Wasn’t Prescott Tolk the villain in Dickens’ Great Expectations?

If a man in a white smock is holding your testicles without asking you to cough, should you be concerned?

I ask again, is Berkino Faso a real country, or someone Antonio Bandaras pistol-whipped in a bar fight?

Why can’t we use DNA testing to pinpoint the pigeons responsible for defacing statues and leave the rest alone?

What exactly do you do with an aquarium after you finish stocking it?

Should bulldog saliva be considered hazardous waste?

Shouldn’t drivers who give turn signals and then change their mind at the last moment be forced to watch Battlefield Earth?

Do snails ever wonder how they are perceived?

What kind of dinner conversation will Ashley Judd and her new racecar driver husband engage in?

How many Flying Wallendas are still flying? – Joe Del Priore

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