Hudson County gone wild

Dear (deer) Editor:
I think I now understand why New Jersey taxes are among the highest in the nation. The other day I read an article in a local Hudson County newspaper, (more of a tabloid rag than a newspaper) about someone sighting a whitetail deer somewhere in Bayonne. Now granted such a sighting in Bayonne is indeed an odd event; however I was amazed to read what then transpired.
An individual then made a phone call which resulted in the dispatching of the local police and fire departments. I suppose I can in some way understand the police possibly being dispatched as the presence of a deer being in an urban area might pose some form of hazard to traffic as the little critters do tend to jump into the path of moving vehicles.
Unless the little guy was on fire I am still trying to wrap my mind around the need for the fire department. I know that firemen often like to grill when they are waiting for that emergency fire call so it is possible that they simply responded to the location in order to scope out some potential Bambi burgers.
The plot thickened when they were unable to locate the elusive deer so it seems a decision was made to bring in a New Jersey State Police marine unit as it was believed that the deer had entered the bay. I guess it is possible that this deer might have been trained by Al-Qaeda and was being used as a suicide deer. It could have been swimming over to Port Elizabeth in order to take out the container facility with a bomb.
Perhaps homeland security should have been notified that a suspicious deer might be in the port area on a suicide mission. I am a little disappointed that the marine division was not able to locate this terrorist deer. Perhaps the anti-terrorism unit needs to run a drill on such a unique waterborne threat. After all it is important to keep on top of the ever changing attempts of terrorists to take us out, and a deer bomb is a damn good idea.
Anyway I began this letter on the issue of high taxation. In order to help the good people of New Jersey lower their tax burden I would like to make a simple suggestion, the next time this or any other wayward deer is sighted in Bayonne rather than bringing in local, state and federal agencies at considerable expense do as is done in nearby Pennsylvania, step number one, shoot the deer. Step number two, eat the deer.
A simple solution for lower taxes as well provides food just like Soylent Green, is human race friendly and tastes better.

Michael Seyfried

© 2000, Newspaper Media Group