RECAP: ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ – Season 4, Episode 13: Almost in Napa

NEW JERSEY — We’re back with another recap of the most classless show on television! But watching it is harmless fun, and besides, three Hoboken residents are on it (Albie Manzo, Chris Manzo, and roomie Greg). So let’s recap…

First, we need to talk frankly to the cast members for a second. Guess what, cast members. If you are on this show, it’s because you create and/or attract drama. You are not superior to the other cast members. You are not the one who’s above the B.S. Yes, this means you, Miss Holier-than-Thou. You and your gossip and pettiness.
For instance, in this episode, Caroline Manzo predicts that Teresa Giudice will get a divorce, and that she will write a book about it. Caroline often tries to play the wise mom, but really, predicting your former friend will get a divorce and write about it? That’s pretty low. She adds, “You heard it here first.” Great; we’ll make sure you get all the credit for the spiteful gossip as it happens.
Now then. This episode is a lead-up to the horror show that is bound to occur when these folks all go away together to Napa as part of Chris Laurita’s business trip. How come Chris gets to bring his whole family, and another whole family, when most of us don’t even get to bring spouses on our business trips?
Also in this episode, Kathy Wakile does a little tasting of her desserts at the local gelato parlor. We have to admit, she’s got some tasty-lookin’ desserts. She observes that the parlor is next to a cemetery and says it makes sense because “My desserts are to die for.” Her sense of humor makes us die laughing. We’re glad she’s just as full of herself as everyone else on this show – we were about to worry.
Speaking of people who are full of themselves, Joe Gorga talks about his wife’s singing career and says that no record label is going to own her. Instead, he says, he is going to own her. Really, Joe, why did all of your other engagements fail?
Meanwhile, Teresa has a book signing and says that the fact that people are lining up to meet her is a testament to her success as an author. No additional comment needed on that one.
Teresa also attends Kathy Wakile’s dessert tasting and brings her friend Linda. Jackie Laurita comments that Teresa only likes Linda because Linda stands by her and is a good soldier. Yeah, that’s what’s known as a “friend.” Jackie also says something like, “I’m an Army colonel’s daughter. I recognize these military tactics.” A little paranoid?
The guys on this show get together at Chris Laurita’s house to prepare for the Napa trip and to agree to leave drama out of it. No sooner is the abundant food in all of their gullets than arguing breaks out. Joe Gorga says something to the effect that he saw the shrink with Teresa because Teresa is “not right.” He expects Joe Giudice to go along with this idea that his wife is bananas. Joe Giudice comes back with stories of Gorga apparently not returning his tools, and Chris and Rich Wakile take Gorga’s side and don’t understand why Giudice would bring this up. ‘Cause it’s perfectly fine to insult someone’s wife’s mental state.
Again these people are pushing us toward Team Teresa, and it’s not a place we want to be. She flips tables when angry and butchers the English language. How bad do the rest of them have to be if she’s emerging as the hero?
Oh, Joe Gorga also tells us he lost his “cherry” when was nine. Joe, please go look for it. Maybe it’s in the garage with Joe Giudice’s tools.
Also, this sounds like a conversation to have with Dr. Sweeney.
Joe needles Wakile because Wakile won’t confess when he lost his own virginity. Maybe because it’s not a conversation you have after you leave high school?
Well, that’s enough for this week. We have to start getting ready for the Napa trip. It’ll surely be explosive, especially with all that gas and hot air in those RV’s. By the way, the coming attractions for the next episode revealed that there’s going to be yet another shot of Shirtless Joe Giudice. Andy Cohen must hate us.
For past recaps, see links below. To read more about Hoboken and Hudson County, New Jersey, check out the rest of and the Hudson Reporter newspaper group.

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