Okay, there really isn’t a “lost footage” show for the Real Housewives of New Jersey, Season 3, or Bravo hasn’t aired it yet. So we thought we’d make up a recap for a show that doesn’t exist. After all, every time we mention the words “real housewives” on this website, it gets lots of hits, while news stories about taxes, crime, unemployment, etc. here in northern New Jersey can’t compete – so what the heck. People say there’s too much fluff in the news, but you’re reading it!! Not that that’s bad; we all need our mindless entertainment to help deal with the vicissitudes of life. If you want to read all the news in Hudson County, New Jersey, head right over here to hudsonreporter.com, our community newspaper group.
Now then…
In the non-existent “Lost Footage” episode:
*Caroline Manzo shows video of the real reason for the fight between Danielle Staub and the Manzo family in season 1. Apparently, Danielle once pulled the hair off Dina Manzo’s kitty and that’s why her cat is hairless. Jackie Laurita’s daughter Ashleeee, who supposedly knows something about hair-pulling, wears a hat to prevent the same from happening to her. Ever hear that song about “O.P.P.”? That’s right.
*Kathy and Richie Wakile open a restaurant called “I’m The Best Mom.” They are forced to change the name because their son is spotted having a drink there on a Friday night. Melissa Gorga provides sprinkle cookies for dessert but they are tossed in the trash when it is discovered that they came from Pathmark.
*Following in his sister’s footsteps (because she always deserves all the credit), Joe Gorga releases his own book — about how to seduce your wife. In it, he explains why the gentle words, “Tonight’s the night. I got all this poison in me,” are just perfect to entice the mother of your children into lovemaking, provided you frequently also buy her Rolexes and build her recording studios. Joe speaks the language of love.
*Since it’s common for cast members to release their own songs, Greg, the roommate of Albie and Chris Manzo in Hoboken, releases his song, called “Torn between Two Brothers, Feeling Like a Fool.” When he sings it for Albie, who is applying to become a volunteer deputy Hudson County sheriff, Albie’s gun goes off.
*Albie is taken to Hoboken University Medical Center, but it takes him seven years to find a place to park, and by then the facility is being turned into a combination car wash/strip joint by Chris Manzo, called “Spray and Stray.”
*The Giudices release their third book, an English-to-Giudice Dictionary. By including words like youse, ingredientses, and cleansie, non-Jerseyans can follow along with season 4.
Andy Cohen, on “Watch What Happens Live!”, makes a shocking revelation: He hates sinking to this level, but he kind of loves the ratings. Well, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.