Bishop Gaetano “Thomas” Donato, a Jersey City native and the regional bishop of Hudson County, is being remembered as a gentle, soulful man, who helped all, reaching out far beyond his Roman Catholic faithful.
Donato, 74, died on Tuesday, Aug. 25, at Toms River Memorial Hospital, a longtime friend said, succumbing to pancreatic cancer after battling it for several months.
He was an auxiliary bishop of the Newark Archdiocese and the pastor of St. Henry Church in Bayonne. He had also previously been spiritual director of Immaculate Conception Seminary at Seton Hall University in South Orange.
“Bishop Thomas Donato embodied the priestly ideal,” said Newark Archbishop John Myers, in a statement. “He not only represented Christ to people, he also saw Christ in everyone he met. I am grateful that I, too, came to know this holy man who influenced and helped deepen the faith of so many people in parish ministry, and of many men studying for priestly service…”
Myers said that when Donato was ordained a bishop in 2004, he told a story that has always remained with him.
“He was a gentleman, he was humble. He never forgot where he came from.” – Elaine Conway
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Donato was baptized at Holy Rosary Parish in Jersey City. He also attended St. Michael High School in Jersey City. He graduated from the College Seminary at Seton Hall in 1961, and was ordained a priest in 1965.
Donato served at St. Vincent DePaul Church in Bayonne and later at Our Lady of the Assumption in Bayonne. He also served at parishes in Hillsdale, Ramsey, and Livingston.
He was honored for his 50 years in the priesthood in May with a Mass at St. Henry’s and a reception in Clifton. About 250 people attended. Donato was also honored with a local ceremony in Bayonne in June.
“He was very respected and loved by his friends and parishioners,” said a former Assumption parishioner. “He was a very compassionate man. His passing is a big loss to the Catholic community.”
Elaine Conway of Bayonne knew Donato from his time at St. Vincent’s, where a 50-year friendship was forged.
“Aside from being a priest, he became a close friend of our family,” Conway said. “He’s been a part of our lives for that whole amount of time.”
Conway said that Donato told her his motto when he became a bishop.
“It was be compassionate, which he was,” she said. “He was a gentleman, he was humble. He never forgot where he came from.”
Conway said the bishop was welcoming to people of all faiths, always reaching out and making room for all.
Stephen D’Alessio of Bayonne knew Donato when he served as one of his lectors 30 years ago at Assumption Parish. A close friendship developed, and there were vacations to Vermont and Arizona with the bishop. D’Alessio recalled how people took to Donato right away.
“Whenever they met him, they liked him” he said. “He was nonchalant. He was a regular person. There were no airs about him. He was a really nice guy.”
Joseph Barbero of Bayonne, a St. Henry parishioner, first met Donato when he was a parishioner at Assumption 30 years ago and Donato was a priest there.
“He married all three of my kids and baptized all four of my grandkids,” he said.
Barbero, who saw Donato the day he died, said there was a moment during the visit that was a testament to the way the bishop led his life.
As Donato lay in his hospital bed, he was not concerned about himself, but about the wellbeing of Barbero’s family.
“He asked about my wife and my kids,” Barbero said. “He asked me to give them his love.”
A tragic loss for all
Clergy from other Christian denominations mourned his passing.
“It’s really just a tragic loss for me, and for everyone,” said Rev. Gary Grindeland of Grace Lutheran Church in Bayonne.
Archbishop Myers said that Donato lived the words of Pope John XXIII: “At my window a light will be burning. All may come in; the arms of a friend will always be waiting.”
D’Alessio said that Donato will be sorely missed throughout the county and at his parish.
“That’s what will live on at St. Henry’s,” he said. “His spirit; he won’t be there, but his spirit will be.”
Donato would have turned 75 on Oct. 1.
Services were held for Donato at St. Henry’s on Sunday, Aug. 30 and at the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart in Newark on Monday, Aug. 31.
Joseph Passantino may be reached at JoePass@hudsonreporter.com.