Dear Dr. Norquist: I am now engaged to a man that I met a several months ago. We have been engaged for two months and are planning a wedding this June. At the beginning of our relationship, he was very sweet.
Dear Dr. Norquist:
I am now engaged to a man that I met a several months ago. We have been engaged for two months and are planning a wedding this June. At the beginning of our relationship, he was very sweet. He was so generous and kind that he made me feel very special. He told me that he was very lucky to have me. I have been divorced since 1995 and have become very independent. I did what I wanted to do and answered to no one. Since we have been engaged, however, he tries to run my life. He gets angry and yells at me like I am a child when I do something that he doesn’t like. On the other hand, he is still the same loving man that I met and fell in love with. He continues to tell me that he loves me and can’t live without me. I still love him very much and do not want to lose him. He used to listen to my point of view when he became too demanding and angry, but now he threatens to call the wedding off when I object to his demands. He doesn’t physically abuse me, but I do not like angry threats. I can’t deal with his sometimes loving, sometimes angry personality. I don’t know what to think anymore. Thank you in advance for any advice you can give me.
Dr. Norquist responds:
Love needs the proper environment in order to flourish. The environment that nourishes love must be created by both of you. Love blossoms most fully when we feel accepted for who we are, and when we are treated with kindness and respect. Your love will not blossom in an environment where you are criticized, controlled, and threatened. It is unlikely to survive long under these conditions. If it feels this way several months after meeting your fianc