Dear Editor:
Brunch, polo shirts and homemade cards are just a few of the pleasures many local fathers will enjoy this Sunday on Father’s Day. But approximately 40 percent of Dads won’t see their children on Father’s Day. Why? Because almost 50 percent of children don’t live with their fathers due to divorce or separation. This, coupled with unfair visitation schedules in which the mother can control when fathers see their kids, means many Dads will be alone on Father’s Day.
When a couple separates, whether they have been married or not, the standard visitation package translates in Dad seeing kids every other weekend. If Father’s Day doesn’t fall on their designated weekend they don’t have a legal right to visitation unless the Mom agrees or the courts get involved. Not everyone has the time, money or emotional energy to fight about what should be a happy day.
New Jersey law is gender-neutral when it comes to custody and visitation, but many cultures still believe mothers get the final say regarding the kids. As a result, although judges may want to give fathers more time with their children, men don’t ask the court, or the mother, for special holidays or shared parenting whereby the kids split their time equally living with both parents (provided everyone lives relatively close and act in the children’s best interest). Dads need to realize that nowhere in New Jersey’s laws does it say that Mom is a better custodian or that she controls the times and dates of visitation.
A lot of fathers are afraid of the court system for no valid reason other than they assume Mom has the inside secret on childbearing. That’s simply not true: kids don’t need fathers to be like their mothers, they need Dads to be the best male role models possible. Man can only accomplish this by spending quality time with their sons and daughters.
Fathers must go to court and ask for a generous and detailed visitation schedule. If Dads simply accept that the mother is in charge of visitation, then she will be, and the courts won’t interfere. It is short-sighted to assume that family courts favor mothers; Courts want to do what’s best for the children, and children are always better off with spending time with two good parents.
So, to all fathers, enjoy the spirit of Father’s Day, whether you see your children or not today, because Father’s Day is not about Hallmark sales: if you attend school concerts, help with homework, coach baseball, or simply say goodnight daily, then Father’s Day is every day. But if you want next year to be different — it could be.
Linda Robayo, Esq.
North Bergen attorney