Once again it is time to honor a bunch of pre-Cromwellian religious zealots who sat around eating turkey with the natives before setting upon the task of wiping said natives clean off the map of "New England" – except for the greater Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun areas of Connecticut.
If I were still in elementary school I would draw an outline of my hand in the shape of a turkey, then compile a list of all the things I could think of that I was thankful for.
- But since my column space is limited, I’ll forgo the hand turkey and get right down to the giving of
thanks. It’s been awhile since I did this in elementary school, so if I seem to have lost focus,
please bear with me: - I am thankful for my loving family.
- I am thankful for the roof over my head.
- I am thankful for the Lord’s bountiful goodness on this day of feast.
- I am thankful that I never got sucked into reality TV, particularly after the latest installment of "Joe
Millionaire." - I am thankful for the fact that I don’t own a single Michael Jackson CD.
- I am thankful that the Syracuse Orangemen are the 2003 NCAA Men’s Basketball Champions.
- I am thankful that the New Jersey Devils are the 2003 Stanley Cup Champions.
- Although I never really watch NBA, I guess I’m thankful that the New Jersey Nets are the 2003 Eastern Conference Champs.
- I am thankful that the New York Yankees defeated the Boston Red Sox to win the American League Championship Series, and did so in such dramatic, in-your-face, knee-to-the-groin fashion.
- I am thankful that Fox is looking to resurrect "The Family Guy."
- I am thankful that the Rolling Stones made Exile on Main Street.
- I am thankful for the fact that Biggie’s Clam Bar (318 Madison, Hoboken) delivers (201-656-2161).
- I am thankful for the fact that Sam Goody had that Three Dog Night CD I was looking for the other day.
- I am thankful that, despite all the lousy, light-running, cell phone-using, clueless drivers in
Hudson County, I’m still alive to walk the streets today. - I am thankful that, despite the scores of dense, obnoxious, drunken morons I deal with on a regular
basis, I still have yet to be found guilty of homicide. - I am thankful that despite the scores of times I have been a dense, obnoxious, drunken moron, I still have yet to be a victim of homicide.
- I am thankful for the fact that my girlfriend has such low expectations of me that I really have to go out of my way to disappoint her.
- I am thankful that I’m able to call myself a writer, despite that fact that it’s a horrible way to try and make a living.
- I am thankful that no one at the Hudson Current has been harassing me about the fact that I haven’t stuck to that spending $50 idea in about six months. I’m pretty much just ranting about nonsensical BS lately.
- So there you have it. This Thanksgiving, be thankful that you’re around to have things to be thankful for, and thoughtful you’re for thinking about thanking for things. (How’s that for nonsensical BS?) q
If you know how I can effectively waste $50 in the metro area, please email c_halleron@yahoo.com or write to:
"Hal Wastes His Wages"
c/o The Hudson Current
1400 Washington Street
Hoboken, New Jersey 07030.