Lost in the Translation

A popular radio talk show host said more than once that “words mean things.” The question I would ask is, what do they mean? Also, why do they mean what they mean? Who decided the meaning? Did they take an ethnically diverse multi-cultural survey?

I suspect this action of defining words was work of a small cabal of socially connected word elitists. I certainly was not ever asked to define a word. I was never asked to contribute to the pool of new words, although several times I have stubbed a toe or smashed a hand in a vain attempt to hammer a nail, creating an environment rich in new word inspiration.

Without words, we would have nothing more than a jumble of letters. So, even if word elitists created the words, as I suspect, I have to admit that I am grateful for them, including the vowels, consonants, and the ever-popular syllable.

Without such wonderful devices, you would be having an extremely difficult time ascertaining what I am attempting to say with the written word. Actually, you still might be experiencing that problem, but that is not the fault of the word elitists.

My late grandfather defined for me many of the words I have in my vocabulary. He explained to me that birds sitting on telephone wires instead of the ground with other birds do so because they were born without feet. Now that I think about it, perhaps my understanding of words might have been somewhat skewed by that wonderful old man.

He was born in an era when words not only had meaning, but carried the weight of integrity. If he said he would be there to fix it, he would follow through. Today when someone says he’ll do something, well, maybe he will and maybe he won’t. The dynamic of words is related to credibility.

It must be difficult for a foreigner to comprehend the English language, in which words are most often spelled differently than the way they are pronounced. For example, I offer an amazing device known as the kinetic kitchen knife. It is not so important what this kitchen aid does as much as how you say it.

I suspect that the word elitists must have had a contentious debate over the K issue. The factions of the hard and silent K might have come to blows over this. It would appear that after roll call they formed a simple compromise with a conservative hard K majority. The wisdom of the silent K liberal word elitist becomes apparent when you consider America’s sorrowful history of placing more than two hard Ks in succession.

If I were to speak to you of unity, you might understand that I was making reference to our working toward the same goal. While speaking of the Uni-bomber, I would refer to a person considered by some to be an environmental hero and others a deranged lunatic. Did he bomb in unison with others? No! He mailed bombs to universities. What could be the cause of such word confusion? I suspect this confusion is caused by a word terrorist sleeper cell operating within the realm of the word elitists.

How one uses words greatly affects social standing. Without the proper usage of words, an individual could very easily be excluded from social advancement. Yes, there is a segment of societal outcasts because of word snobbery. It is not easily recognizable, and the government does little to stop this injustice.

If you were to consider the condition of the public school system, you might conclude that the government is perpetrating this matter to control the populace. Again, I suspect it has something to do with a word terrorist sleeper cell. How sinister to hide within the confines of the education system, a brilliant ploy.

Words also incorporate a more clandestine and national security related concern. Whatever the meaning of words, one thing that appears certain is that when being used on the telephone, the National Security Agency is listening to them. Perhaps that is a good thing. Even though we don’t want to give up liberty for security, as Ben Franklin once penned, we also don’t want to lose our culture to word terrorists. – Michael Seyfried

Michael Seyfried is a frequent contributor. This piece is from the collection Jersey Traffic Jam Thinking.

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