Editor’s note: This is an advice column for men and women who want a real opinion. Due to the saturated singles scene in Hudson County, the Current has found a relationship guru who will help with all your dating dilemmas. Look for advice here every other week.
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
My boyfriend of four years keeps asking me to marry him – tomorrow. As in, he wants to get married as soon as possible, saying that he will marry me in city hall. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to get married in a church, with bridesmaids and a big white dress. I love him, but I feel like we should wait and get married the right way. We are both 26. The other thing I find odd is that all of a sudden he wants to get married now. He never mentioned marriage until I gave him an ultimatum. So then he gave me a promise ring and now all of a sudden he’s on board? It feels like he is more afraid to lose me. To complicate matters, I had a fling with a coworker. It’s over, but having the affair made me realize that my coworker is there for me in ways that my fiancé is not. Now, I want to wait a year, yet he is fixing up a house for us and keeps bugging me about city hall. I want to wait. Is this just a case of cold feet? – White Wedding
Dear White Wedding:
Wow, is he pregnant? Sounds like a shotgun wedding to me! I mean, change a few of the details and this could be considered harassment. Should you get married under these conditions? No. A wedding, regardless of how a couple goes about it, should be a natural and mutual celebration of a relationship.
It sounds to me as if you don’t talk to each other at all. If you suspect that his eagerness is only inspired by the fear of losing you, then maybe you should let him know that all he’s doing is creeping you out! And good lord, you’ve got a lot of buzzwords here!! Big wedding. Ultimatum. Promise ring. Affair. Cold feet. “There for me.”
It reads like a Top Ten List of reasons to stay home alone and be single!
What I think you should do with your word jumble is…take a break from each other. (We’ll pretend not to know that this is just a precursor to an actual break-up.) Seriously, though, spend some time apart. No visits, no phone calls, no texting. I suppose you can e-mail if your desperate little hearts can’t take a total separation. But you are in dire need of perspective, and this is the only way you’ll really get it.
(And please, the guy you’re giving sex to on the side is always “there for you.”)
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
I am stationed at a military installment in New Jersey. I have been here for six months and I am still in touch with my girlfriend by e-mail and phone calls. I miss her, but I don’t think I trust her. I think she’s cheated on me. Because of that, I am pursuing a relationship with a stripper. Yet after seeing her a few times, I actually like her. I feel like we have a connection. My friends tell me that I’m crazy – that she does this with all the guys on base. But we haven’t had sex; we just enjoy each other’s company. They tell me I’m wasting my paycheck. I don’t know how long I’ll be here and I’d like to continue to see her. But I also miss my girlfriend, who is getting ready to leave for college. I don’t know what to do. I like them both and they don’t know about each other. But part of me feels like I should choose. What should I do? – Torn
Dear Torn:
I don’t mean to be judgmental, but ‘pursuing a relationship with a stripper’ has to be the funniest turn of phrase I’ve seen here yet! I keep envisioning the two of you walking into the sunset, you in uniform, and her in thigh-high boots and pasty’s. Ahhh… …Wait a minute, what do you mean by wasting your paycheck? When you guys are “enjoying each other’s company,” are you sticking bills in her g-string? ANYWAY…about the girlfriend. Perhaps I’m cynical, but I think long-distance relationships are near impossible, especially when there’s no set end to the separation. It only works if you have a very solid commitment. Without that, you end up with ‘I’m cheating on her and I think she’s cheating on me.’ Sound familiar? So, if you’re both cheating, why not open the relationship to something more casual? It’s so much better than lying and hiding. There are ways to have your cake and eat it too without behaving like a jerk.
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County’s singles when she’s slinging drinks. While she doesn’t consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem! If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to current@hudsonreporter.com. Please put in the subject line “Ms. Fix-it.” The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.