You may have noticed there’s seemingly some sort of concern in the media over our environment. Sadly, my column runs in black and white – but if it were in color I assure you my logo would be green, thereby conveying to the audience my sincere concern about the issue.
Yeah, like all the other serious news outlets, I get it, man. Somewhere between hard-hitting coverage of Britney Spears’ crumbling home life and Rosie O’Donnell’s latest talk show deal, I find time to run a little snippet about how concerned I am with the environment. And to make my gesture even more dramatically effective, I’ll run it under some overtly sensational, alarmist headline (see above).
Of course I’ve previously demonstrated my concern for regional faunae, particularly the class of Aves, since taking Ornithology to fill a lab science requirement back in college. That vigilant interest in our winged friends was rekindled last June when I lost a chilidog to a seagull, and I’ve kept one eye on the sky ever since.
Sadly, as a result of my watchfulness I have been witness to the recent puzzling phenomenon of numerous Yellow Warblers crashing into windows over the past few weeks.
By numerous, I mean three, but by witness I mean directly in front of my eyes.
The Yellow Warbler (Dendroica petechia) is a small, active, insect-eating bird measuring approximately 4 inches long with mostly yellow plumage and rusty streaks on the breast. Having lived in Hoboken for 10 years now, I’ve never taken any notice of Yellow Warblers in such an urban setting, let alone noticed them crashing into windows right in front of me.
The first one I found dazed and sitting on my doorstep after hearing a dull thud against a window moments before. I thought little of it until a few days later when I was walking down 4th Street near Church Square Park and saw this little guy bounce off an apartment next to O’Nieal’s (343 Park Ave., Hoboken).
This certainly struck me as odd, but not nearly as odd as the time I was walking past Filippo’s (406 Washington St., Hoboken) at 3 a.m. when this poor bastard came swooping in right in front of me, only to flatten himself against the plate glass window. It was then I began to wonder, was there a particular reason these Yellow Warblers – all three of them males, incidentally – are crashing into windows in Hoboken, New Jersey, or am I just a lucky winner in the “Animals Do Stupid Things” sweepstakes?
You’ll be happy to know I was able to pick up the poor, stunned fellas and place them in a safe location where they could sleep it off. One actually flew off right out of my hand, and the other two were gone when I went back to check on them the next day.
However, it got a bit more disconcerting this past Sunday when I noticed a deceased Yellow Warbler in the street. All joking aside, I’m concerned about the level of these incidents and wonder what if anything they can be attributed to, since it could potentially be indicative of a serious trend.
As go the Warblers, so goes the world.
That’s not to say we’re all going to run around and smack into plate glass windows, but I do worry about changes in the environment. And I hate to see anything happen to a harmless little creature like a Yellow Warbler, particularly with this frequency. That $*@%!^& seagull who stole my chilidog, however – screw that guy. I hope he choked on the onions.
Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/bitter bartender, writes a biweekly humor column for The Hudson Current and websites in the New York Metro area. He spends a lot of his time either in front of or behind the bar in Hoboken, New Jersey where his tolerance for liquor grows stronger as his tolerance for society is eroded on a daily basis. Feel free to drop him a line at c_halleron@yahoo.com.