There are three main demographics when it comes to Hoboken’s political landscape. There’s Paleoboken, made up of people who were born here, raised here, conceived here, or are in bed with somebody who was (sometimes literally). There’s Neoboken, made up of anyone who has relocated to Hoboken following their teenage years, whether that was last week or during the Reagan administration. And then there’s that stubborn group still claiming they’re from Philadelphia and are just living here for a little while until they can move back – for our purposes here, let’s call them Cheesesteakboken.
The groupings have absolutely nothing to do with how long a resident has actually resided here. Hoboken has long been the kind of place where people can live most their lives but never be “from” here. Unless you were born in Hoboken there’s always an inherent need to explain yourself when it comes to the town you call home – no matter how long you stay, how many kids you raise here, or how much you pay in taxes.
Should Neobokenites ever dare to involve themselves in the workings of local government, well, that just brings on a whole new level of disdain. Paleobokenites would rather you just climb back into your Mystery Machine with the rest of those meddling kids and move along. Meanwhile Cheesesteakboken is too busy looking for Scooby Snacks and thinking “it’s, like, a bad idea” to get involved.
But now the authorities have caught the bad guy, and much to Paleoboken’s surprise, it was one of their own behind the mask. Meanwhile Neoboken is smugly pointing with one hand as the other one’s busy patting itself on the back. Then there’s good ol’ Cheesesteakboken, who are more concerned with the Phillies’ recent acquisition of Pedro Martinez – and they should be.
As the dust settles and the homeless reclaim the City Hall benches from the cameramen, it’s time to move forward.
The machine
Ideally Paleoboken would now see the folly in supporting the machine, a machine that has stood on the shoulders of the community only to bend to the will of developers. Many candidates who have claimed to represent “Old Hoboken” have personally profited from the very development that has forced their friends and neighbors to move away. For years the proud spirit of Paleoboken has been nothing short of exploited. With that now spelled out in stunning detail, it’s time to redirect some of the animosity that has built the obstacles that clutter this tiny little enclave.
At the same time, Neoboken needs to shut up and get to work. There’s no more time for “I told you so.” Instead of patting yourselves on the back, why not extend that hand in friendship in an effort to bring the town back together after what has been an abysmal public ordeal. It’s not like the town has magically healed itself with the installation of Mayor Zimmer – and if anyone knows that for a fact, it’s the mayor herself. Come out of the coffee house or step away from the wine bar for a few hours a week and find a way to get proactive in the community.
As for Cheesesteakboken, well, there’s never really been much hope there. It’d be nice if you could come on board while you live here, but we understand Eagles’ preseason is right around the corner.
Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/retired bartender, writes a biweekly humor column for The Midweek Reporter. Like a well-made Manhattan, he’s stirred but never shaken. Feel free to drop him a line at chris@chrishalleron.com or follow him at http://twitter.com/HALLERON.