Dear Dr. Norquist:
I moved to the Hoboken area in January and I haven’t felt right since then. This was my first time living far away from my hometown and family. I graduated from college last year and couldn’t find the right job near home, so I moved here where I received a job offer. I guess I’ve had a hard time adjusting. I don’t really have any friends yet. I work long hours – an interesting but stressful and demanding job in the law field. Lately, everything feels drab to me. I go from day to day, just because I have to. I don’t enjoy it at all. My life feels pretty empty. I sleep whenever I have any free time (which isn’t often). I’m taking a vacation in December to see my family back at home, but I can hardly get excited about it. Lately even food doesn’t give me much pleasure. I was going to write to you to see if you think I am depressed – but now that I’m putting this into words, I guess it’s obvious. Now my question is what can I do to not feel so depressed?
Dr. Norquist responds:
You have many of the symptoms of depression; recent losses (separation from family and hometown), social isolation, disinterest in usual activities, a change in sleeping and eating habits, and feelings of inner emptiness. It’s important that you take steps to address your emotional health needs. Has it affected your ability to concentrate and function well at work? Are you sometimes unable to get yourself to work in the morning? Does depression run in your family (or do you have a prior history of depression)? Have you had any thoughts of harming yourself? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s important that you consult with a mental health professional to assess whether or not you are experiencing a major depressive episode. Major depressive episodes require professional help, usually a combination of psychotherapy and short-term medication.
There are many things you can do to help lift yourself from this depression. I cannot overstate how important it is to take good care of your basic physiological needs for healthy nutrition (at regular intervals), and regular sleep patterns that provide you with eight hours or so of rest each evening. Exercise will also help immensely. Try for 30 minutes of aerobic exercise 4 times per week, alternated with a stress reducing practice, such as yoga. It is important that you do what you can to develop and maintain connections with people who are good for your spirit. We need connection with others as much as we need food. Food feeds our body, while nurturing connections with others feeds our spirit. When someone is depressed, they tend to withdraw into a state of loneliness and inertia. It’s important that you do your best to push through this urge to withdraw and focus on ways of actively feeding your spirit and nurturing your body. If you are having trouble doing this, you may want to seek professional help to jumpstart you in this process. Please write again and let me know how things are going.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed psychologist (NJ #2371) in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling Services, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling Services, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding health-related concerns. 2009 Chaitanya Counseling Services