It’s so wonderful finally meeting you, Miranda, after all our chat room and Facebook exchanges. Your photo doesn’t do you justice. You have amber eyes, did you know that? Uh, we need a few minutes, miss. Thank you. They’re always rushing you at this place, but the food is superb. I come here all the time. Not that I’m a serial dater or anything.
Listen to me babble on. I want you to tell me about your day. Is that supervisor…what’s his name? Mark. Is he still on your case? Good. I’m glad you told him off. I would complain to HR. But I told you that in our last chat. Don’t take any of his crap.
You’re staring. No, that’s okay. I expected it. I did mention I had a growth on my forehead. We sort of doctored my Facebook photo to blot most of it out. I guess you could say I told a white lie when I described it as tiny. I agree. It’s more than tiny. Yes, you could say it is multi-colored. Bulbous? Perhaps. Throbbing? Well, I suppose that depends on your definition of throbbing. I admit that it moves a little. Throbbing, to me, is an overstatement. It’s all semantics anyway.
Their Italian seafood is excellent, especially the squid. For an appetizer, I’d suggest…Oh my God! I am so very sorry. Let me get a napkin. Please, just hold still. It’s only a few drops on your blouse. And a spot on your cheek. Two spots, actually. There we go—all off. Pristine as… wait, there’s another on your eyelid. Hold still. Close your eye. Okay, all cleaned up. I apologize. I guess I should have mentioned that occasionally, sometimes without warning, this thing on my forehead spurts pus.
Believe me, if I could control it, I would. Shall we order? You look a little pale. Drink some water. No, I understand completely. I admit I wasn’t entirely honest. But I thought we had so much else in common…You’re being exceedingly judgmental, Miranda. I am perfectly aware my head tends to slump forward. The weight of this thing is a bit cumbersome, but I’ve learned to accept it and prevail. Life is all about courage, right?
Yes, I am also aware people are staring. Cruelty is everywhere. Growing up, all I got were insults. But I never looked for excuses. Would you please choose an appetizer? I am not being snippy. I am an understanding person. Which is why I haven’t brought up YOUR issue. What issue? Your dental issue.
Yes, you did mention you had one tooth that was a bit long. Your incisor, as I recall. Your smiling photo pretty much hides the problem. But, well, may I speak freely? You sort of told your own little white lie, describing it as unique. The thing is, Miranda, when you close your mouth, that tooth extends half way up your cheek. In fact, its sharp edge seems to be cutting into your skin. I see a trickle of blood. Fang comes to mind. So perhaps, just as many people in this place are staring at your deformity as mine.
Please stop crying, Miranda. I meant deformity in a good way. I meant fang in a good way. Let’s stop talking about our issues and discuss our strengths. We’re both good dancers. Later, I’ll take you to this club on the east side. A live salsa band…Uh oh. Hold it. I think you’d better lean to the side real quick. I feel another spurt building. At least I got some warning this time.
WAIT! Where are you going? We haven’t even ordered.
I’ll call you. –Joe Del Priore