“If you go to Speed Dating or another singles event in the city, as soon as you tell a guy you live in Hoboken, they don’t want to have a ‘long-distance’ relationship with you,” says Hoboken resident Lauren Valva, between sips of an iced green tea at the uptown Starbucks on a mid-summer morning. “Even in Hoboken, it’s like, ‘Oh, you live uptown?’”
Long-distance relationship? People say that about a city just across the river? Apparently, yes. Young professionals in New York City and in Hoboken often work long hours and don’t have time to waste. Hoboken is teeming with young people packed into a square mile (19,164 people ages 25-34, making up 38 percent of the population, according to the 2010 U.S. Census), but they still find it hard to meet each other. It doesn’t help that New Yorkers consider them “geographically undesirable.”
So how can they find true love in a way that’s low-pressure and still efficient?
At the beginning of the year, Valva and her two friends in Hoboken, Myra Ann Arcilla and Mandvi Paliwal, decided to make it easier.
They formed Mile Square Dates, a Hoboken-based company that runs events to bring local residents together in informal venues where they can play games or chat. Theirs is the first local company dedicated exclusively to helping people meet the one. In this town of recent college graduates who spend lots of time at bars and restaurants, very few people have tried to capitalize on the dating market.
Each of the three women has had different dating experiences. Valva, 36, is divorced. Six months ago, she decided it was time for a change: She moved from a house in Staten Island to an apartment in Hoboken. She said growing up in Staten Island, Hoboken was the place to go out—just a short ride over the Bayonne Bridge. She knew a change of venue would help her start anew.
Among those she met were Paliwal and Arcilla. She met the former at a Valentine’s Day mixer run by Hoboken Social Sandbox, a longtime group of people who attend events to meet each other, not necessarily for dating. “I know, I go to a Valentine’s event and meet a friend,” Valva laughed.
But it worked out. Paliwal knew Arcilla through their ZogSports football team, so they put their heads together. ZogSports is a national co-ed social sports league for young professionals.
“We all had expressed an interest in being entrepreneurial,” Valva said. “Regular Speed Dating is boring and a little creepy. I thought, there have got to be better ways people in Hoboken can meet other people.”
They wasted no time, setting up a website for their company in January. They launched a ping pong tournament and a Cards Against Humanity event in which people played the popular word game. They passed out flyers at bars and in the PATH station. They also handed out blue and white business cards reading, “You caught me checking you out! Return the favor and check us out on www.milesquaredates.com.”
“We’ve had people from Jersey City, Weehawken, Edgewater, and we even got three girls from Staten Island,” Valva said. “One of their moms saw it [on Facebook] and made them go.”
The last week in June, the women held a trivia event in the back room of the Black Bear Bar & Grill on Washington Street. Making sure the balance of men and women was equal, they drew approximately 10 people from each gender and asked questions such as “Which two chemical symbols make up the logo for Breaking Bad?”
Valva said that several men had told her they were looking forward to the event so they could show off their smarts.
The participants sat across from each other at tables, talked, drank, and answered the questions. They appeared to be in their twenties and thirties, all dressed professionally.
At each event, participants get a card to check off whom they might like to talk to again. If two people pick “Y” for each other, they get contact information, and have to take it from there.
Valva said that she has made new friends via the events, and even went on a few dates with a man she and her partners met while handing out information at the PATH.
“Sometimes after an event, I see someone around town,” she said. “I feel like this has made Hoboken feel more like a neighborhood, more of a community.”
She said most participants are between 25 and 35, although they have had people who have checked off the box for under 25 or 36-40.
But where is the over-40 box?
“We’ve had requests” for over-40 events, Valva said, “but only from women. No men.”
She’s also gotten requests from gay men. In fact, she said, three different men approached her and her partners in the PATH station and asked if they’d be having events for the gay population. She would definitely be open to such an event.
As for events in other towns, they do hope to branch out, but for now, they just want to hang out in Hoboken.
Just Like Starting Over
Mary Ann Arcilla was born in the Philippines, grew up in New Jersey and California, and moved to Hoboken in 2010. Like Valva, she sought out the excitement and camaraderie of Hoboken after ending a relationship. She had been living in the New Jersey suburbs.
“The rent was much more expensive [in Hoboken], it was much farther from my job, and I didn’t know a soul here,” she said. “I almost had a nervous breakdown the week I moved in, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”
Within three months of moving here, she met a man through a non-dating local meetup group, but dated him for almost two years.
“He was more serious about the relationship than me, and so I bolted,” she said. “I’ve been single since then. I’ve met a lot of great guys in this town through random interactions, bar hopping, sports leagues, singles mixers, Speed Dating, and even volunteering. But I just started dating a guy who I met a few years back. We met at 5 West Supper Club, when I used to host Speed Dating for another company. We’ve re-connected very recently and have been dating since, but he lives in Dumont.”
Mandvi also recently ended a relationship, although it was with a person she was already dating when she moved to Hoboken. She gives her age as “in the bracket of 26-30” and says she grew up in India before coming to Ohio, then New Jersey, for work.
“People like me do not have much spare time to browse about dating sites or meet new people outside of work,” she said. “Even if we do, it’s about going on one-on-one dates which might not turn out be the best use of one’s time. We, as a company, conceptualized the idea of meeting many like-minded single people in a span of a few hours while doing something fun such as playing Cards Against Humanity, wine tasting, or trivia nights.”
Checking it Out
“Jane” is 28 and has participated in two of the events. She didn’t want to use her real name or even her initials, because she is a bit skittish about having her personal life written about. But she was enthusiastic about the idea of meeting a man through Mile Square Dates.
She heard about it through the women on her ZogSports team. She attended beer pong and the Cards Against Humanity game.
“Everyone had three cups,” she said, describing peer pong. “After each game, the guy would move to the right, so you would get to meet everyone.” She didn’t like any of the men there, though. “I’m very picky,” she acknowledged. “There was no one there I liked romantically.”
At Cards Against Humanity, she liked one man, and “We ended up matching. We hung out one night. He was cute physically, and seemed like a very nice guy, nice sense of humor.” But he didn’t follow up. She had no real explanation, but she hopes to go to more events.
A year and a half ago, Jane moved to Hoboken from Westchester, where she had been living with her parents. She works full-time in New York City. She declined to talk about her past relationship experience, but mused, “I think it’s hard to meet people outside of college regardless of where you live. I think it’s hard just finding someone, especially a stranger. In college, you all go to the same school, so you have that in common. I think [Mile Square Dates] is a really great idea, because there’s usually an activity involved.”
Mike, a 31-year-old Hoboken resident, agreed with Jane about the activities. “They like to try new things,” he said of the company. “I like that.”
He also heard about the events through the women on his ZogSports football team, noting that the trio of co-founders “recruited pretty heavily.” He attended beer pong, Cards Against Humanity, and a Speed Dating-type event.
“I’ve done Speed Dating in the past, and there were tons of people; it was almost like chaos,” he said. “With this one, I think it was six or seven of each sex there, so there was a little more time to talk. If you couldn’t think of what to talk about, they provided questions for you. The quality of the people was a lot better. They were professionals, a bit of an older crowd. Cards Against Humanity was also a lot of fun. It forces you to loosen up around everybody, forces you to have a sense of humor.”
He moved to Jersey City eight years ago from Syracuse to attend Seton Hall Law School, and moved to Hoboken two years later. He said he hasn’t had a serious relationship in over a decade. “I’m not the ‘go to bars and pick up chicks’ kind of guy,” he said. “I’m not necessarily looking for something serious, but I wanted to meet new people.”
He did go out on a date with a woman he met at beer pong. “It didn’t turn into anything,” he said, “but [the event] was a lot of fun.”
Future Looks Bright
Valva said the events are just starting to be profitable. The organizers are toying with other kinds of events, like perhaps tennis. But, Valva said, laughing, “The guys told us they don’t want to have to do much.”
Valva, who is looking for a “funny, kind, active, and optimistic, not pessimistic” guy, said the future looks bright.
After the events, “There have definitely been first dates,” she said. “I’m hoping to get some invites to weddings. It’s going to take some time.”
As for her, she is still on internet dating sites as well, but now she has other options—and and that’s probably a good thing. One of her recent OKCupid dates accidentally drove onto a concrete divider on the West Side Highway during their first date. After the tow truck managed to free them, they had dinner. But she had already checked out, at least mentally.
“I wasn’t up to my usual sparkling personality,” she said.
To find out more, check out milesquaredates.com or email milesquaredates@gmail.com.– 07030