Dear Dr. Norquist:
My whole life I’ve been doing what I think I’m supposed to do. I went to college, taught in a high school, married and had two children. I do my best to raise my kids, maintain my marriage and be a good teacher. I can’t help wondering, though, if there isn’t something more to life than this… I feel like something is missing or I’m missing something. We do well enough financially, but are still aiming for that home in the suburbs. My kids are healthy. My job is stressful, but secure enough. My husband and I get along – although I feel a growing distance between us. We attend a church – although it isn’t very satisfying. I’ve got friends and family but I can’t openly share my troubles with them. Everyone I know is focused on getting ahead, moving up the ladder to a better car, better home and job. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do but it’s not getting me anywhere that’s really satisfying to me. I don’t know what else I can do. What am I missing?
Dr. Norquist responds:
It sounds like you are craving an unknown essential nutrient. Some part of you senses that something else is needed for you to feel satisfied. This sense is probably emanating from some higher, more spiritual aspect of your self. I’m glad you are listening and considering its voice.
We are multifaceted beings, possessing physical, mental and spiritual needs that all require attention. It’s easy to lose our sense of balance when attending to these needs, over focusing on one aspect to the detriment of another. It sounds like your spiritual needs are not being attended to, hence the inner sense that something is missing, despite the fact that your outer life appears to be going smoothly.
You are blessed with health, family, career, and enough material wealth to meet your needs. What you are may be “missing” is an inner experience of peace and contentment.
My suggestion is that you make time each day to be still, and listen to the inner sense that is letting you know that something is missing. You must clear your mind of the mental clutter of the day’s activities and demands and create an inner clearing where this inner knowing is heard loud and clear. The more often you do this act of inner listening, the more you are feeding your soul that missing essential nutrient. Over time, this gentle and open act of inner listening will lead you on a journey towards what’s missing in your life. Thank you for writing to me!
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed psychologist (NJ #2371) in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling Services, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling Services, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding health-related concerns. 2011 Chaitanya Counseling Services