I found your mantra. It was lying by the curb in front of your house, on its back, moaning. I did what I could, but it was too late. I wrapped it and placed it in a garbage container.
I thought I knew you, but now I’m not so sure. All evidence indicates you abandoned your mantra. Lately, you’ve been unfocused and jittery. No core, no calming influence. You’re shopping way too much.
Perhaps you became bored with your mantra and assumed one could just order another. You’ve discovered otherwise; panic has set in. Matching one’s personal vibrations to a mantra is no easy matter. So you find yourself between mantras and it’s not pleasant.
I shouldn’t be so judgmental. Some years ago, I stopped at a Cosi and ordered a meal. It wasn’t until I’d paid and left that I realized I’d forgotten my ying, just left it lying there. I was about to pull off onto the highway when my yang began howling for its partner. I returned to the place and asked my waitress if she had seen my ying, but she swore she hadn’t.
I was beside myself until an elderly woman approached and tapped me on the shoulder.
“Looking for this?”
In her wrinkled hand she held my treasure. I thanked her profusely and offered to buy her lunch. She declined, preferring to examine my yang.
I’ve been lying awake wondering what happens to discarded mantras. Are they donated to a mantra bank, eventually distributed to indigent people? Do some people buy a backup mantra? Are they placed on Craigslist? Where is the responsibility here?
Which brings me to my final point. I’ve decided to divest myself of my personal equilibrium chant. I don’t think it’s helping. Technically, there’s nothing wrong or dysfunctional with my chant. In fact, I’m offering it to the general public at a huge mark down.
If no one wants it, I’ll have to discard it. But I’ll make certain it is separated from the recyclables. Improper chant disposal is a $50 fine. – Joe Del Priore
Do you like Joe’s satirical pieces, or want to submit your own? E-mail editorial@Hudsonreporter.com.