Sorry. I broke a major blogging rule. I read some things on a blog by a Hoboken mother that I found so disturbing I had to comment. I’m told that you shouldn’t be too negative, either in blogging or commenting on posts. I did not know this at the time. I assumed the value of blogs lay in their potential to stir up disputes and debates. Negative connections are better than none at all.
What set me off? Let me say that she is a young mother and wife living in Hoboken who can write well and honestly conveys her frustrations. The problem for me is the posts I’ve read come off as a series of complaints from someone who wants it ALL right now.
The couple lived in Hoboken, subsequently bought a house in the ’burbs, where hubby went to work and mommy stayed home with the infant. Within two years they were bored and moved back to Hoboken, renting out their house. They live in a cramped apartment with a cranky washer and cranky neighbors downstairs who complain about the two-and-a-half-year-old making too much noise. Which is healthier, I asked, having a child freely run around a home you own, or being constricted in a cramped apartment, constantly being told to stay still and be quiet? Plus, if they stay in town, they’ll have to pay for private school, as no one sends their kids to Hoboken public schools if they have a choice. In the ’burbs, where the public schools are of higher quality, they wouldn’t need to dig into their pocket to pay for private schools. Financially, their decision to move back makes no sense.
She complains of not having adult mommy friends to talk to, of not having enough money to live the way she wants, not enough “me” time. Before marriage, she did the bar scene and evidently hasn’t got any hobbies. I posed the simple solution of moving back to the ’burbs, meeting mommies in the park, and taking the car to Hoboken for any event they want to see. Cheaper and sensible.
This Hoboken mom also HAS to do a marathon. Why? No real reason is given, except that it seems to fulfill a need. To make that happen, she belongs to a gym and buys expensive running apparel and pricey orthotics for her flat feet. All this money could be put toward her daughter’s college fund, but mommy HAS to run her marathon.
I also questioned whether being bored out in the suburbs after only a few years of marriage is a direct reflection on the strength of that union. Shouldn’t your life revolve around your spouse and child? I wondered how the husband felt about moving back to town or having his wife complain about their finances publicly.
I usually ignore blogs sent to me. But I subscribed to this one to glean some insights on how young, educated, urbanized, married people think. Marriage and parenthood by definition mean less spending money, less “me” time, more responsibility, and maybe a strange sort of isolation. Right?
The blog by the Hoboken mom is a fascinating study of someone who assumes she is entitled to all the best all the time. I may just become addicted to it, if only for the inner rants it creates in my mind. – Joe Del Priore
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