Dear Dr. Norquist:
I live a busy life. My job demands 10 hours a day and I spend a lot of time working out and enjoying my time with my friends. Generally I feel pretty good. For the past three weeks however, I’ve had a sinus infection that I can’t seem to get rid of. I’m writing you about it because I’m surprised at how down I’ve been feeling. There is like a “blah”, “nothing feels worth doing” kind of feeling that I’ve been struggling with for weeks. Even when my sinuses aren’t hurting that blah feeling is in the background. I guess I’m feeling depressed but I have no idea why. I trust the advice you give. What do you think is going on with me?
Dr. Norquist responds:
The busyness of your life has you focused outside yourself – on work, exercise and interpersonal relationships. You have many activities that consume your time and your attention. It sounds like you are doing something all the time. In this way your outer life is very full.
Often, the busyness of life distracts us from ourselves. It takes our attention away from whatever is going on inside, the place where our true feelings, needs and desires can be heard. This inner place is the place where we connect with a genuine sense of who we are. Some of the signs of ignoring or losing touch with this inner sense of ourselves include: feeling bored, restless, inexplicably unhappy, un-genuine, lost, depressed, unfulfilled, or hopeless. Perhaps your physical illness has forced breaks in your chronic busyness and allowed some underlying unhappiness to seep through. It sounds like your inner self is parched and is letting you know that it needs attention!
Many try to still this inner discontent with outer world stimulation and seek a deadening of these feelings with substances, addictive activities or codependent relationships. As you may guess, this only feeds the problem. The outer world is not where our refuge lies.
Instead of avoiding or distracting yourself from these uncomfortable feelings, try simply being with your inner “blah” depressed state. Turn inside and listen to your inner state. Tune in and keep it company. Feelings tend to shift and move on when they are heard and acknowledged. Even 5 or 10 minutes of inner non-judgmental listening and accepting of your inner state can be very healing. Learn to keep your inner self company. It is here that you can find genuine contentment.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed psychologist (NJ #2371) in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling Services, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling Services, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding health-related concerns. 2010 Chaitanya Counseling Services