(Dr. Sallie Norquist is on vacation this week. This is a previously published column.)
Dear Dr. Norquist:
I am a graduate student, doing very well in my coursework and research. However, I feel extreme anxiety in doing anything, e.g. starting a problem set, writing a program, etc. I wonder what are the common causes of anxiety and what I may be suffering from. I would like to be calm and relaxed and not anxious and stressed. I know about meditations, etc. but what I would really like is some psychological insight. Thanks.
Dr. Norquist responds:
Look to see what beliefs and intentions you carry into your activities. Is it your goal to do your work perfectly, and get A’s? Do you abhor mistakes? If so, these underlying beliefs and attitudes are feeding your anxiety. These beliefs suggest that you are basing your acceptable-ness on something outside yourself, such as your performance or someone else’s judgments or reactions. When you are firmly in touch with your own innate worth, you don’t give others power to determine it for you. Your anxiety could stem from being separated from your center – that place inside where you experience your innate worth. This separation is fed through your habitual thoughts, attitudes and beliefs.
Could you imagine having a different experience of grad school? One where you experience gratitude for this opportunity to learn about something that interests you immensely? One where “mistakes” are just opportunities to learn? Spend some time consciously recognizing your habitual reactions to situations. See if you can start replacing negative, anxiety-producing beliefs and attitudes with ones that leave you feeling positive and up-lifted. It is possible for life to be experienced as a playground for learning, expanding and re-discovering that natural state of joy and enthusiasm that children know so well.
I’d also suggest that you look at your lifestyle. Are you engaging in behaviors that leave your physiological resources drained and depleted? Often graduate students create an unbalanced, stressful state partly due to their reactions to the work demands that school places on them. For example, they stay up all night working and drinking coffee to meet a deadline for a paper. In so doing, they throw their bodies into an off-balance state that physiologically creates stress and burn-out. Search for balance in your lifestyle. Set time aside daily to still your thoughts, and find that centered, peaceful place inside. Twenty minutes of “not-doing” every day can do wonders to re-nourish your resources for the day of work ahead of you. Learning to be in the moment, instead of in your head is a great means of reducing anxiety and restoring balance in your life.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed psychologist (NJ #2371) in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling Services, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling Services, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding health-related concerns. 2010 Chaitanya Counseling Services