People assumed the Larkins would move afterward.
Let me say up front, no one really knows why zombies choose certain homes. We would see the Larkins all the time and they always waved back. Sam owned a dry goods business and Lori taught second grade. They bought their house in 1988 and made an addition to accommodate Sam’s parents and nephew. Their three kids ranged from six to fourteen.
As it happened I felt a bit guilty about ensuing events. I’m Marge, a housewife who lives across the street. They went on vacation to Vermont and asked me to watch the house. As near as I can tell, the zombies must have moved in at night or maybe when I was shopping at Basic Foods. Do you know they have frozen Geisha Salmon for $3.98? I digress. What I didn’t realize was how quiet zombies are. No grunting or growling. We later discovered this particular sect was from Short Hills, which might explain the manners.
When the Larkins returned, nothing seemed amiss for half a day. I guess the zombies were in the basement. But soon all hell broke lose. Lots of screaming. Oh boy. We thought Grandpa Larkin was passing a kidney stone again.
Later it was revealed the grandparents were eaten first, followed by Bob, the nephew who couldn’t hold a job and yelled at my kids for nothing. I don’t miss that one. By the time someone called the cops the entire lawn was covered with entrails, which really drives down property values. The cops came and cleaned out the place with hollow point bullets and acetylene torches.
We brought food and seltzer to the surviving Larkins, which they appreciated. We assumed they would sell, but they decided to stay for God knows what reason. Well, the schools are good.
Now, I’m out trimming the hedges and the Larkin’s six- year old keeps staring at me with a strange expression, licking his lips, and I’m beginning to wonder. – Joe DelPriore
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