I’m in!
My play was accepted into the Hudson County One-Act Play Festival at DeBaun in September. I have the contract right in front of me. I will sign anything they send. They want me to be available for interviews, I’m there. Personal info – ask away, I’ll tell you anything. I’ll sweep the floor and run the concession stand, clean the bathrooms.
This is getting my foot in the door. This is huge. Everybody who is anybody will be there; I’m certain of this. John Sayles, Anna Quindlen, Artie Lange, Danny Aiello, Caren Lissner, Chris Halleron, all of them glued to their seats, gasping, shaking, ovulating, grunting, enthralled by my edgy work.
When the lights go up, someone will shout, “This has been life changing.” Someone else will spot me, point and scream, “There he is!”
I’ll try to escape my passionate admirers, only to be pinioned against the lobby wall by an overcome Aiello, whose beefy hands grasp my shoulders. “You, my friend, are LAVA!” he will growl.
Halleron will put his nose one inch from mine and rasp, “I get you. I REALLY get you!” Woman of all shapes and sizes will offer themselves in exchange for raw notes from my next play.
Soon I will have an agent, meetings will Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, then a trip to L.A. where I’ll hobnob at Cicero’s with Weinstein and Lucas. More contracts will be thrown at me for film rights. I’ll stay at four-star hotels, eat at five-star restaurants, get what’s left of my hair styled by Clooney’s barber, rent a place near the beach, play poker with Chevy Chase. At some point I’ll convince Charlize she’s been with that actor guy too long and she needs an older man in her life. I may never see New Jersey again. I will be too hot to touch.
Um…there’s one teeny tiny detail I need to mention. My play runs about nine minutes, so get there early. – Joe Del Priore
Joe Del Priore is a frequent contributor.