Editor’s note: This is an advice column for men and women who want a real opinion. Due to the saturated singles scene in Hudson County, the Current has found a relationship guru who will help with all your dating dilemmas. Look for advice here every other week.
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months, but we’ve known each other for years. Ever since we were in elementary school together, he’s told me we were meant to be together. I couldn’t have asked for a sweeter guy. Only, he seems to have a lot of secrets. He’s always keeping things from me, and he won’t tell me why. Sometimes he tells me something and I know he’s not telling me everything. Sometimes I’m not even sure it’s the truth. I don’t get how someone could love me so much and then shut me out like this. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with him because this was going on when we were friends too, but it’s bothering me so much more now that we’re together. What should I do? – Shut Out
Dear Shut Out:
First of all, people can “love you so much” and do all kinds of terrible and deceitful things. So let’s stomp that naiveté out of you right here.
I’m already annoyed at you for having entered into a relationship with a man who was dishonest even when you were buddies. Did you really think when things were further complicated by sex that he’d be an open book?
Logic dictates that the opposite would be true, so what were you thinking? I’m not saying all men keep secrets from their mates, but one who deceives his friends will create such a web of lies for his girlfriend that you won’t know which end is up…and it seems that’s where you find yourself.
All you can do is come out and confront him with it, in my opinion. Tell him exactly what you think, and what you’ve always thought, and ask him to explain himself. If he cannot or will not do that, you’ve got to be ready to go back to a simpler friendship. I know it’s hard, blah blah blah, but what is the alternative?
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
I just met the man of my dreams. He’s kind and sensitive. He’s a doctor and does such important work with his patients. It’s so inspiring. We’ve been on several dates, but on the last few, a friend of his tagged along. This friend is not at all like him. This friend is simply the rudest and most vulgar person I’ve ever met. I had a long talk with my dream man after this friend finally left last time, and he seems to genuinely value his friendship. I don’t know if I can continue seeing this guy if this friend is part of the package, even if he is my dream come true. Should I break it off or is it worth taking the chance? – Waking from a Dream
Dear Dream:
Are you out of your mind? You know, I almost want to tell you to break it off just to spite you.
How judgmental can you be? For one thing, you’ve only met this idiot a few times, and for all you know, there may be more to him. But whatever you might think, he’s important to your doctor, and you should respect that.
So far you have no reason to think this changes who your new man is. I’ve never met a man, no matter how wonderful he is, who doesn’t have at least one vulgar friend.
Stop creating issues…grin and bear the barbarian, and continue enjoying the “man of your dreams,” unless you have something against happiness.
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County’s singles when she’s slinging drinks. While she doesn’t consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem!
If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to current@hudsonreporter.com. Please put in the subject line “Ms. Fix-it.” The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.