Editor’s note: This is an advice column for men and women who want a real opinion. Due to the saturated singles scene in Hudson County, the Current has found a relationship guru who will help with all your dating dilemmas. Look for advice here every other week.
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
How soon is too soon to go over to a new guy’s place? Last week, I went out on a great first date with a nice guy to a very expensive, exclusive restaurant in the city. While we were there, we talked about old movies and he bragged about his great DVD collection. He just texted me and asked if I wanted to get together for a second date, to watch a movie later this week. I said sure, thinking we would go to the theater to see a movie. He texted me back the address of his apartment. My friend told me that a second date was too soon to go to his house, so I told him that maybe we should go to the theater this time and save the DVDs for another time. It took him a full day to respond. He said we could do movies at his house and that no “funny business” would go on. I really like this guy, but don’t want to seem desperate. Should I go over to his house? – Unsure
Dear Unsure:
If you’re searching for your moral compass, call your mother.
If you’re asking ME, well, there is no such thing as “too soon.” That’s an intensely personal issue that has to do with your own standards for comfort. Waiting the three dates or the three weeks, or whatever the heck the current standard is, is nonsense.
This is the LAST decision that should be guided by a pre-determined schedule created by someone else. (Even if it’s me!)
Can we at least entertain the possibility of watching the DVDs and NOT hooking up with the guy? No really, it’s true!! You can actually make that decision for yourself while you’re there! If you don’t wanna…DON’T! And for heaven’s sake, if you do want to, then go right ahead. I’ve had a few long-term, very loving relationships that began immediately in the bedroom. I’ve never had that particular hang-up, but that’s just me. (Please direct all fan mail to current@hudsonreporter.com. Thank you.)
Do what you want, when you’re comfortable. “My friend told me….so I told him…” Where are you in there? Maybe we should just set the guy up with your know-it-all friend.
If sex on the second date is a deal-breaker for him, than he’s not a very nice guy. The fact that he’s trying for it is normal and healthy. But I don’t know. I might hesitate to get intimate with anyone who calls it “funny business.” Makes you wonder about his techniques.
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
I am new to the dating scene, having just broken up with a boyfriend of 3.5 years. I’m still trying to figure out all the “rules” and spend a lot of time wondering if I am doing this right. I have been seeing a guy pretty steadily for the past two months whom I’ve come to like a lot. He and I only see each other on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, and I feel like I am his “mid-week girl.” He says that he spends Friday nights going out with the guys and Saturdays recovering. Sunday is his only day off, which he spends on his own. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend and have never talked about the subject. I once asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said “no.” I don’t believe him. I don’t really want to be in a relationship right now, but I also don’t want to be lied to. Should I confront him? – Enquiring mind Dear Enquiring mind:
Uh…what is a mid-week girl? That’s a new one.
You know what? I don’t like this guy. I don’t. I go out drinking with my friends as much as anyone, but a person whose weekly agenda includes an entire day set aside for a hangover? And this is the weekly obligation that prevents him from making any plans with you? He’s either a character from “Animal House,” or he’s blowing you off. He might as well tell you he’s washing his hair.
Either way…where is the appeal here? And where is your self-respect?
So many women are afraid of coming across as too clingy, which often translates into an inability to express themselves. You are not satisfied with the situation as it is now. Tell him, and then walk away. It’s so much simpler than you are making it.
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County’s singles when she’s slinging drinks. While she doesn’t consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem!
If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to current@hudsonreporter.com. Please put in the subject line “Ms. Fix-it.” The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.