Lately I’ve been asking myself, whatever happened to the “Hoboken Singles Revolution?” Heralded in the pages of the Current as recently as a year ago were articles about “game nights” and “social circles” for singles, with much of the action based at the innovative Symposia Bookstore. Yet I have the sense that the Hoboken “Single’s Project” is fizzling. Unless it’s buried so far underground you need to be a mole person to participate: a gnomish culture clustered around Monopoly boards and invisible to the maddening crowd.
Of course, I applaud Hoboken’s “single’s revolutionaries” for their noble quest to re-imagine the courtship ritual. Hoboken has chalked up so many famous firsts already (there must be something in the beer water), why shouldn’t it take the lead in re-inventing romance? In a city that can produce Frank Sinatra, the ice cream cone, and the zipper (not necessarily in that order), I say anything is possible!
The purpose of this essay is to cheer the single’s innovators on: “Hip, hip horaaaay! Go single’s innovators!” More than that, I’d like to create a space for them to pool their resources and give each other hope as they brainstorm even greater breakthroughs. As a big believer in the power of dialogue, in the possibilities released when the “eye meets the eye,” I want to bring together in one room the top minds on the cutting-edge of transforming single-life culture in Hoboken – along with anyone else who wants to participate, even a few low minds – to pose the question: “What do we do next?”
The discussion will take place as part of Symposia Bookstore’s Wednesday night “Conversation Project” series this Fall, and is part of my own “Love Project.” An emerging non-profit nearing its one-year anniversary, the “Love Project” offers a variety of love-related activities currently underserved by our consumerist culture: a dialogue to explore new visions of love, a space to share personal stories as we repair our love lives, and a literal place to meet a potential new love.
At a recent “Love Project” discussion in the West Village on the topic “Finding Love in Everyday Life,” there was a notable frustration with the current “status quo” options for singles, a particular revulsion to internet dating, and a simple desire for more “friendly places” to hang out. When I suggested the creation of a café specifically designed for singles to meet, it struck a major cord. One person added that, in addition to having a variety of ice-breaking games at the café, there should be a section labeled for “un-cool people.”
Which brings me back to Hoboken. Has Hoboken become too smarmily hip for its own good? I think part of the pathology that blocks connection in Hoboken is the weird paradox between its self-congratulatory but shallow “theme park for yuppies” bravura on the one hand, coupled with a deep insecurity that we’re still not Manhattan. Walking down trendy Washington Street, one senses a high school-ish danger lurking. Is one of those frat boys yukking it up at a table outside Arthur’s about to “locker room snap” me with a towel as I walk past?
More importantly, does the woman who I reach out to with a simple smile on the sidewalk sense this same strange terror, and could that be why she doesn’t smile back? Or does she diss me because this is Hoboken and I’m not Manhattan enough, or because this is Hoboken and I’m not Tea Building material. Are Hoboken’s single females all holding out for Jon Corzine, or for one of those boorish stockbrokers braying into their cell phones at Texas Arizona? – John Bredin
To dialogue more about the problems and possibilities for Hoboken singles, my e-mail is jfbredin@hotmail.com. Or join me at Symposia Bookstore on Wednesday, Oct. 26 at 7:30 p.m. There will be free food and the chance to share your ideas in a public forum that I hope is a new beginning.