Can you spare a dime?An iced coffee and newspaper sit patiently on the counter. The numerous headlines scream trouble. For just a moment, we are shocked – but only for a moment. After our second of mixed emotion, we snap back into focus and rush off to accomplish our goals.
On any given day, the local newspapers serve as daily warnings that criminals lurk and prey. In some respects they keep us informed, possibly even alert. On the other, they create a sense of fear and distrust. We begin and end our day hearing about humanity’s garbage. Can we ever trust the strangers around us?
Every day I walk through Hoboken and get approached by panhandlers. The sun will rise, there will be rush-hour traffic on the Hudson crossings, and a host of regulars beg for spare change.
At first, I gave in. It bothered me to know that I would spend almost $4 on a coffee when some were just looking to get a regular meal.
After a while, it was apparent that there were certain panhandling hot spots. My bank is one of them.
After a long day of physical exertion I pulled out of the Hudson United Bank parking lot onto Washington Street, where I was approached by someone asking for money. Being used to the long-winded stories of some regulars by that bank, I expected myself to just drive away – or, worst case scenario, give a dollar just to get him off my back. However, I was shocked at my own reaction.
An elder churchgoer said he was stranded and ill. He explained that his car broke down and he is far from home. Praise the lord, we found a victim!
There are certain things people should not lie about. When asking the boss for a personal day to spend with friends, one would never suggest there was a death. You just do not go there. The same rules apply to my vision of the panhandler. Certain lines should not be crossed for the sake of a lie. Whatever this particular, well-dressed, religious elder said to me at that time worked, and I gave him enough money for a one-way train ticket to Philadelphia.
In exchange, he wrote his name and address on the back of my ATM receipt.
Once, I was stranded without money far from home and a stranger helped me. I then mailed him the money.
So this time, a strange churchgoer provided me with my very own Good Samaritan test. I provided an address where he could send my money.
The huge stamp on my forehead that reads “Rob Stupid Now and Then Come to Her House and Rob Her Again” is still fresh and glowing. What about those headlines? As a New Yorker born and bred, I have abandoned my media education. And that is just it. Good con artists prey on emotion. They defy stereotypes. They make you abandon your logic.
When my logic finally returned, I realized I was scammed. My good deed felt very wrong, and when I checked the address he provided later that afternoon, I realized in fact I was a sucker.
In retrospect, all I needed to provide was directions to City Hall or NJ Transit. For the religious panhandlers, perhaps a local church or synagogue will do. These places of business or religious organizations can determine if the stranger is a panhandler or indeed a stranded old man who needs help. There it is more of a business transaction.
The moral of my story: Hold onto your logic, but use it to be kind. For those like myself who want to help, there are options. There are several organizations and associations that could use your money for a good cause. In addition, money is not always the only way to give. Volunteering time is priceless. Visit www.bergenvolunteers.org or www.volunteermatch.org for local information. There are so many ways to make a difference and remain positive without becoming a sucker.
– Kathrine Grappone, Weehawken
The Current is always looking for essays for Closing Remarks. Send yours (500 to 700 words) to current@hudsonreporter.com.