It’s a jungle out there. In this case, I’m not referring to the business jungle. I’m referring to a jungle that, in its own way, is even more difficult to navigate: the world of dating.The original law of the jungle is that only the strongest survive and thrive. The Law of the Dating Jungle is this: the older you get, the harder it becomes to meet your mate. There are several reasons for this. As you get older, more of your compatible peers are getting married to the wrong person (the wrong person, of course, being the one that isn’t you). As you get even older than that, you begin envisioning the perfect mate in your mind. Anybody not meeting even one of the specific criteria gets automatically eliminated from consideration. Of course, as you get very old, all of your peers suddenly become dead … a deterrent to dating, unless you happen to be a practitioner of necrophilia.
George of the Jungle
I am a Union City resident in my early 30s, living just outside the perimeter of Hoboken, so I get all the Hoboken advantages without the insanely high rent. I have been hacking my way through the dating jungle in hopes of meeting Mrs. Right without doing a “George of the Jungle” and running into a tree. I have gone through several adventures in my continuing search that have run the entire dating spectrum, from the miserable failure to the very successful (although one could question the measure of success since I am still single). If you go by experience, then every date I’ve been on has been successful since I’ve learned something from each one.
Adventures in dating
I will now share my experiences in dating for the purposes of illustrating the difficulties and nuances of navigating this jungle. They are probably not unique, and perhaps the men (or even the women) out there will empathize with these experiences:
One of the women I dated was a resident of Manhattan’s Upper West Side, and she had the expensive tastes to prove it. Our first dinner together cost me more than $80. When I suggested that she pay for the next date since this one put such a dent in my wallet, she emphasized the concept of “chivalry” and how that was important to her. I pride myself on being extremely chivalrous (particularly in an age where women’s liberation has blurred that line), but there’s a difference between being nice and being a sucker – and there’s a difference between being a recipient of chivalry and taking advantage of it. Our next two dates were significantly lower in cost. I ended the relationship because I tried arranging a date here in New Jersey, but she didn’t intend to come and forgot to share that particular fact with me until afterwards (as if stepping on New Jersey soil would make her melt like the Wicked Witch of the West).
Another woman lived about 20 miles west of Hoboken, in Caldwell, N.J. We had some things in common and she was close to my age, but she had a teenage daughter (she had had the child at the age of 18). Since she didn’t trust anybody in her area as a babysitter, it restricted the times in which we could date. We ended up meeting for a couple of hours once every two weeks. This particular dating style probably allowed the “relationship” to last much longer than it should have, which was about four months. At that time, she decided to end it (it took her about two weeks from my last contact with her to inform me of this).
Another particularly unstable woman had her shirt off on the first date. On the second date, her shirt wasn’t the only thing that was off. There was no third date. If I were a very different man, this probably would have qualified as a “success.”
I did once meet a woman whom I thought was extremely compatible with me. She was a lot of fun to be with, for a week. After the week, I was informed that she had just been through a bad breakup and didn’t actually want a relationship with me. Let me say for the record: It sucks when that happens.
As a result of my experiences, I have some advice for single people in their 30s who are trying to date. It is this: Keep an open mind, never turn down an opportunity to learn and grow (if he/she seems incompatible, try anyway – you may be surprised), be cautious (because everybody is a stranger until you get to know them), and have fun (the entire dating process is supposed to be fun, y’know).
In the jungle, one’s attitude becomes crucial. I try to do social activities that would help me meet people with similar interests. I also try online dating (despite the questionable reputation, it is a very efficient way of meeting people with similar interests). I try to treat my travels through the jungle as adventures and try to have fun. If and when they end, for whatever reason, I treat them with humor, grace, and aplomb. I think if everybody adopted a similar attitude, it would be much easier for all participants.
Welcome to the jungle.
Dateboy – a young, professional, single guy in his early 30s – lives in Union City. If you’d like to comment on this essay, e-mail current@hudsonreporter.com. We’ll pass it along to Dateboy.
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