Being a teenager in today’s fast-paced society is tough. Many pressures are exerted on today’s teens that couldn’t have even been conceived 30 years ago.
Conversely, it is just as difficult to be the parent of a teenager. After all, there is no rulebook on being a parent and dealing with the plethora of problems and issues that can arise.
And in an attempt to foster a better, more complete understanding between the two camps, West New York’s Memorial High School Organization of Parents and Faculty (OPF) held its monthly meeting last week in the cafeteria annex at Memorial High School.
Approximately 40 folks showed up, with roughly half being students and the other half being parents.
The OPF’s mission, according to co-coordinators and Memorial teachers James Davila and Richard Patterson, is to get parents involved in the school lives of their children. Said Davila at last week’s meeting, “We have parents come in every month as a way to keep them updated on how their children are doing at school, and more importantly, what they’re doing at school.”
The OPF was formed last year and holds different activities each month. According to teacher Richard Patterson, one of their get-togethers was held on Dec. 10, 2003 – the night of a big snowstorm. And yet, dozens of parents showed up and watched the movie “Stand and Deliver.”
Last week’s meeting boasted an impressive number of parents, some of whose children were present, others not. The parents, according to teacher James Davila, “are the ones that are here 99 percent of the time at all our meetings.”
However, there were some parents present who had never attended an OPF meeting before, and one could tell by the tight look on many of their faces that they were somewhat nervous and intimidated. Some spoke only Spanish, some only English. It appeared that it would be quite a challenge to have everyone understand the nuances of the discussion that was to follow.
It turned out that there were so many bilingual people present that everyone was able to understand the discussions. And that was a good thing, because what transpired left many of the participants inspired and encouraged.
Those in attendance last week were lucky enough to be treated to the presence and participation of Memorial High School’s Peer Mediation group led by advisor Ed Donnelly.
This group of students (who have been profiled in The Reporter) excels at fostering communication between students and between students and faculty. Their services have proven indispensable on many an occasion and their inclusion in last week’s program proved fruitful.
Encouraging turnout
After introducing his Peer Mediators, Ed Donnelly said to the assembled crowd, “I am really encouraged by what I see here tonight. It means a lot that so many parents are here tonight. You can tell a lot about a person in how they spend their time and the fact that you are here means a lot.”
Donnelly then announced that everyone was to play a game called “Do You Know Your Neighbor,” which consisted of a lone person standing in the middle of the circle and saying, “Hi, my name is _ _ _.” The crowd responded with, “Hi, _ _ _! Do you know your neighbor?” The speaker then said, “No, but I’d like to know someone who… likes to swim.” Then everyone who liked to swim would scurry around the circle looking for another empty chair. The last person left standing had to start the cycle again. This was a very basic, but very effective way to get everyone involved and comfortable with each other. It worked. Soon, folks were laughing and smiling.
Next, the Peer Mediators stepped in and did some very effective and evocative role-playing. The skits that the Peer Mediators put on dealt with the thorny issue of parent/teen communication and deftly showed how easy it is for that communication to break down. Some impressive acting chops were evidenced by the Peer Mediation members.
The next activity was called “Fishbowl” and involved the teens sitting in a tight circle and the parents sitting just outside, listening. A question was posed to the teens by teacher Ed Donnelly, “What do you think is the biggest challenge for parents in West New York?” The teens discussed this question and the parents listened. Most of the students talked about work and money how it’s tough for their parents to make the time to devote to their children. Some spoke of cultural issues. Some spoke of communication difficulties. The conversation sometimes strayed a bit off-topic, but the result was the same – parents just don’t understand.
Next, the parents sat in the middle and the teens listened. Surprisingly, the parents had just as much, if not more, to say than the teens. The assembled parents proved themselves to be highly concerned for their children’s well-being. A mix of concerns about communication between them and their teen offspring and the dangers of the streets was voiced by the parents.
As the two-hour session wound down, it was agreed upon by all in attendance that the group would get together again.
After the meeting broke up, one parent whose child wasn’t present, commented on the meeting.
“When I stepped into this room, I was in a shell,” said Mark Bowling, whose daughter Ashley is a Memorial freshman. “And I wanted to stay in that shell and just stay a part of the walls. But all of a sudden, I am listening to these kids speak and they brought me out of my shell.”
Continued Bowling, “This was a complete inspiration. This has given me the tools to deal with my daughter and maybe improve our relationship. I will be back.”