Alright, so I didn’t win the Hudson Current Bartender Contest. In all honesty, it would have looked kind of shady if I had won, since I work for the paper and all. Plus with statements like, "I’m an angry young man who has no business in the service industry," I certainly wasn’t doing my best to woo too many voters.Congratulations to Baja’s (104 14th St., Hoboken) Kerry Logston and no hard feelings. I’ll admit she’s a bit more attractive than me, and since I’m not known as being the most patient man behind the bar, I’d be willing to bet she’s a hell of a lot nicer.
Ask any bartender and they’ll tell you – in a perfect world, everyone on the other side of the bar would know what it’s like to be standing where you’re standing. The pressure of pushy patrons, the combination of quirky cocktails and the demands of delivering drinks can put anyone through the ringer – from the salty old veteran who’s more weathered than the wood he stands behind to the eager young rookie who’s greener than a Midori sour.
One excellent opportunity to get a taste of what it’s like to work awhile "behind the wood" is provided by well-known cocktail guru Gary Regan and his intensive, two-day bartender training course, "Cocktails in the Country."
Regan, the Obi-Wan Kenobi of the bartending craft, has contributed to Food & Wine, Wine Spectator, Playboy, All About Beer, Wine & Spirits, and writes a weekly column for the San Francisco Chronicle. He and his wife, Mardee, have authored several books on serving and sipping adult beverages, and Regan does a fantastic job of imparting his voluminous wisdom on the subjects over a whirlwind weekend tour behind the bar.
When signing up for this class, don’t expect to be flipping bottles back and forth like circus clowns or any of that other crap you saw in the Tom Cruise boozer-snoozer Cocktail (a movie that did to the dignity of the bartending profession what Police Academy did to law enforcement). This is a realistic course in bartending – what it takes to be a bartender, dealing with customers, cocktail methodology, remembering drink recipes, product knowledge, etc. And while it may seem like a lot to whack back in two short days, Regan somehow makes it all easy to swallow. Plus, the various cocktails sampled throughout the course ensure that while you may not remember everything, you’ll certainly have an unforgettable time.
The class is held in beautiful Cornwall-on-the-Hudson at Painter’s Tavern, an eclectic haven featuring the works of local artists (hence the name) as well as an imaginative menu. The amiable staff ensure an enjoyable visit and cozy overnight accommodations are available on site, which is handy considering the alcohol-themed class makes driving home a no-no.
Here’s the way the session works:
Transportation is available to Cornwall-on-the-Hudson via limo service from Manhattan’s Upper East Side leaving on Saturday morning at 10 a.m. – SHARP (you don’t want to be late for work behind the bar). About an hour later the limo arrives at Painter’s, you check into your room, and then you meet for lunch with the rest of your class. Thankfully the class size is held to around a dozen, allowing for an intimate and interactive learning experience.
After an anecdotal briefing on the bar business and specific attributes of good bartenders, the class is set straight to work cutting garnishes, working with shakers, muddling fruit and eventually mixing up an Old-Fashioned – one of the many classic cocktails quaffed over the course of the weekend.
Following a nice and necessary respite, the group closes the evening with a fabulous four-course dinner and cocktail pairing. Then it’s off to bed for a well-earned and much-needed night’s sleep.
Sunday morning it’s up at 9 a.m. for breakfast, with class kicking off at 10 a.m. Immediately, the class gets its hands dirty working with vodka drinks, gin drinks, tequila drinks, rum drinks, whiskey drinks – sampling each and every one made. It gets a little bit sloppy as the day wears on, but a well-timed lunch breaks up the party and allows the class to come up for air.
After lunch, however, the madness continues until everyone has made at least two complex cocktails and done so without fear or failure. Finally, at around 5 p.m., the limo arrives and it’s back to Manhattan, safe but not necessarily sound.
A lot of people asked me why the hell I’d take a bartending class, considering I’ve been working at a bar for so long now. But it’s kind of like the line cook at Denny’s taking a class at the Culinary Institute of America. Sure, I know how to pour a beer and a shot, but there’s more to be learned, and even the seasoned bartender can still pick up a trick or two. Plus the idea of whacking back a few classic cocktails for a weekend isn’t a hard sell by any means. The price for this class – meals, booze, transportation and accommodation included – is a mere $100.
Unfortunately, classes are full until next year, but to find out more information on "Cocktails in the Country" or the Regans, check out www.ardentspirits.com. For more information on Painter’s in Cornwall-on-the-Hudson, go to www.painters-restaurant.com.
And watch out, Logston – now that I’m classically trained I might give you a run for your money next time around. If it weren’t for the fact that years of bartending have caused me to develop a mild form of Tourette’s Syndrome and I’m more bitter than Angostura when I’m stuck dealing with belligerent pricks six months out of college ordering Woo-woos, Mind-erasers and Car Bombs while their girlfriends play Abba’s "Dancing Queen" for the twelfth time in two hours and flag me down to refill their waters even though I’m trying to serve customers four-deep and the goddamn Yuengling keg just blew!!!
…sorry about the rant there – I guess it’s tirades like that that keep me from winning any "Favorite Bartender Contests"…
If you know how I can effectively waste $50 in the Metro-area, please write to:
"Hal Wastes His Wages"
c/o The Hudson Current
1400 Washington Street
Hoboken, New Jersey 07030
or email c_halleron@yahoo.com