Thank you to all of the businessmen who ride the train day in and day out, for talking on your cell phones and never offering to help me with my bags, even though my arms are full and I have dropped things on the ground.Thank you to my mother for always forgetting to fill the car up with gas after she has emptied the tank and the gas symbol is flashing. Thank you to all of the men in Hoboken who gawk, blow kisses, yell "Hola mami, caliente!" and take off their shirts so that I can cross the street.
Thank you to my brother for going into a coma while he sleeps so that he doesn’t hear the three alarms or the television that blare at 6 a.m. and wake me up extra early. Thank you to all of the Hoboken drivers who come an inch away from hitting pedestrians even though they should be coming to a full stop at the STOP sign. Thank you to everyone who talks on their cell phones in the middle of a restaurant, disturbing all of the other patrons. Thank you to moms who have Suburbans but can’t drive or park them.
Thank you to Johnny Rockets for making such great food that goes straight to my hips and butt. Thank you for making that hot guy I had a crush on finally talk to me, when I have a boyfriend. Thank you to my mom for being snoopy and going through everything in my bedroom, confiscating certain items deemed inappropriate along the way. Thank you to my friends for all going abroad this past semester and not coming home until mid-July so that I’m home alone this summer (but I still love you all).
Thank you to that ugly couple who sunbathes in tiny bikinis in between make out sessions during my lunch break. Thank you to the man who just blew me kisses while I ran into the convenience store to get a Yoo-Hoo. Thank you to all of the women in Charlie’s Angels who show us that’s what women really look like in bikinis. Thank you to teenagers who loiter in the 7-11 parking lot so I have nowhere to park when I just want to run in to grab a gallon of milk. Thank you to gum chewers for leaving your gum on the seats of the PATH. Thank you to rats with wings – a.k.a. disease bearing pigeons for coming dangerously close to my food.
Thank you to EZ-Pass for sending tickets in the mail for getting to a toll too quickly from the previous one because they assume that you are speeding. Thank you to Gaps everywhere for making it possible for men to wear capris. Thank you to everyone who drives home from the Shore on Sunday nights creating traffic jams that last for hours.
Thank you to ex-boyfriends who always run into you when you look like crap while buying tampons and Sally Hansen hair remover. Thank you everyone for bringing some more sunshine into my life. – Beth Manocchio (The author is an intern at the Reporter.)