Dear Dr. Norquist:
I have a problem. I keep dreaming that I’m lost and I take the wrong direction. While I’m driving in my dream, I see myself taking a wrong route. I get off at an exit that says #70. I hit a dead end. The dead end says "Alley Auto Parts". What does that mean?
Dr. Norquist responds:
Dreams are very personal, so this dream has a personal message for you that I can only guess at, since I do not know you. In general, however, this dream appears to be a subtle wake up call from a higher part of yourself. It is possible that this more aware part of yourself is trying to get you to recognize that the path you are going down is not the right path for you. The suggestion is that your current path will, at best, stifle or deaden your growth. Perhaps you need to stop and ponder what is most important to you. What would you most like to accomplish, develop, be, do, or create with your life’s energy? What holds the most meaning for you? In what way is the life path you are traversing wrong for you? The focus for this path doesn’t necessarily have to be your career. It could be the manner in which you approach your self, others, and life in general. It could be things you need to learn, to develop in yourself, to create, or to teach. It could also be personal qualities, character traits, or spiritual development. Only you can answer these questions.
The "Alley Auto Parts" part of the dream suggests that you are not taking the whole of who you are into consideration in the manner in which you are approaching your life. The number 70 may have particular relevance to you in your life. The number 7, in general, can denote spirituality. Ultimately, only you can fully know the meaning this dream holds for you. These ideas will hopefully help you to decipher the relevance this dream has to you personally.
Dear Dr. Norquist:
The mother of one of my best friends from high school was diagnosed with liver cancer a few months ago. She is quite ill and in a lot of pain. She’s been in and out the hospital lately and things don’t look so good. My own father was diagnosed with prostate cancer a year and a half ago, but he is really doing quite well (with medication, treatment, etc.). My friend’s mother will probably be dead within six months to a year, so I’m not going through the same kind of immediate crisis as my friend.
My question is: what things should (and shouldn’t) I be saying to, and doing for, my friend? I try so hard to be there for her but I really don’t know what she’s going through. She is very matter of fact about the fact that her mom is going to die. But I’m sure there’s something I could be doing, isn’t there? I hate feeling like I’m actually making her feel worse! Could you give me some idea of what she might be going through right now and how I could help? Even if its methods for taking her mind off it occasionally (if that’s a good idea).
Dr. Norquist responds:
Your concern shows your ability to care about and empathize with others. This ability shows your open-heartedness – a quality that gives richness and depth to life. You are fortunate to be able to experience these feelings. Not everyone is able to feel and care about other’s pain.
Your friend needs a friend right now, in the best sense of the word. She needs someone to share her feelings with, whatever they are — someone she can trust, who she knows will open-heartedly be there for her should she need to reach out. Her need is for someone who will accept her feelings, whatever they are, and allow her to express them openly, and if need be, intensely. When someone is emotionally overwhelmed with a situation, a normal human response is to distance themselves from their feelings. This can appear as if they are not reacting, or are acting nonchalant about what is going on. It is likely that your friend’s matter-of-factness is the result of being emotionally overwhelmed and therefore unable to process what is going on. She may stay in this state for the majority of the time until her mother dies. Sometimes it takes years to be able to truly emotionally digest such a loss. I do not understand how you could think you are making your friend feel worse. You have the ingredients necessary to be who your friend needs – someone who accepts her and cares about her, and is willing to listen open-heartedly. Just continue to show your love and you will be doing your part.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding and treating physical symptoms and health-related concerns. Practitioners of the following techniques are available to answer your questions: psychology, acupuncture, therapeutic and neuromuscular massage, yoga, meditation, spiritual & transpersonal psychology, Reiki, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Alexander Technique Ó 2002 Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center