Dear Editor:
I want to commend our NJ legislators for finally passing the bill introduced for the past 14 years by former Assemblywoman Marion Crecco stating that abstinence be emphasize when schools teach sex education to our children.
Since 1993, I’ve had the opportunity to visit other countries and to speak to teenagers who were grateful just to hear someone talk honestly about teen sexuality, lifelong, committed love and yes-the benefits of abstinence. But if you asked me back then if I would teach about abstinence in American schools, I would probably have said, “I could never give an abstinence message in America. The kids would laugh me out of town!!”
Now, while teaching abstinence and relationship skills here in Jersey City for the past 4 years, I have found quite the contrary to be true. Our kids are starved for honest give-and-take issues they are so concerned about-sexuality, love, peer pressure, STDs/AIDS, and how to say “no” and still keep a relationship with our boyfriend or girlfriend. Free Teens is funded by a grant from the NJ Dept. of Health.
During Free Teens Leadership Training, we are often blunt and direct, but all our answers go to the point of how sexual abstinence for teens just makes sense. Currently I am speaking here in Jersey City where many of our teens are born to a single mom and which has the highest rate of HIV per capita in all of America, yet each day I am in awe at how well this information is received by teens, teachers and parents.
It is one of the greatest failures of our society these days that instead of teaching our kids they should live to higher standards regarding sexual activity, we dumb it all down and tell them it doesn’t really matter what they do, so long as they try to avoid the natural consequences of their actions by being “safe.”
But, as adults and health educators, we need to ask ourselves, “What is our definition of ‘safe'”? Isn’t it supposed to mean being ‘free from harm’? The National Institute of Health (NIH) re-released only last July 2001, that condoms provide very little, if any, protection against most common STDs. Based on this report, is the “safe-sex” message really providing truthful information by which our youth can make their decisions? According to this report, condoms are only effective 85% of the time in lowering the risk for getting HIV(only if used correctly and every time) and provide “0” protection against Herpes and Human Papilloma Virus (genital warts), two of the most common STDs, which, to date, have no cure. HPV is one of the leading risk factors leading to cancer of the penis or cervix.
I know that some people get squeamish about discussing these issues. As a mother of 3 teenage girls I ‘squeamish’ about the fact that now, 1 out of every 4 sexually active teens has at least one STD and they may not even know it. I am getting a little squeamish; now that my girls are dreaming about their ideal man that 41,000 people each day contract an STD. 8,000 of those are our teens.
I am finding that many young teens here practice oral and anal sex to ‘keep the virginity of the girl’ and to avoid pregnancy, (not realizing both of these practices spreads STDs). They don’t know that some sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes or HPV (Human Papilloma Virus), can be passed on by infected body fluids just being on their skin or just skin-to-skin contact. These infections are incurable and HPV is the cause of 97% of reported cervical cancer.
I guess some adults believe ignorance is protection enough. To just tell our teens, “practice safe sex” is not only unhealthy but also dangerous for teens who are still developing and are not ready for the emotional consequences of uncommitted sex.
As we all know, just teaching about diseases is not enough. We need to present them with options and acceptable behavior that will increase their chances of a successful live of real value and happy marriages. Relationship skills that are applicable in every setting, from dealing with their own parents, their siblings, their teachers, employers, or future spouse and children. Using dynamic, high impact slides, we discuss Relationship Myths, Relationship Deposits and Withdrawals and refusal skills.
One of the most rewarding times I have when giving presentations in Public Schools has been when the students keep asking questions and refuse to leave the auditorium until the nurse or counselor promises them I’ll be back. Here are a few of the comments 6th-8th grade students have to say about Free Teens:
“It was very a interesting program and I learned many things. Such as about STDs, true love, right love, and many more. It really opened my eyes about sex and love.”
“It helped me out with life-making decisions. Thank you!” ” I really like this program because it tells me about life.” “This has helped me see the consequences of having sex and how it affects others.” ” I think that it was a good learning experience for all of us. Also she provided us with some good learning advice so that we can make the right decisions in life.” “I think that you should wait to give you ‘gift’ to your husband.” “I think that this is a good program and what they are saying is very true and it makes me want to be a better person.” “Thank you!”
Young people want to see adults they can trust. We should never give up on our young people and always believe in their potential to create a culture revolution for real relationships and true leadership. May is National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month. We may have an answer.
(Free Teens, USA has been approved by the National Clearinghouse of Drug and Alcohol Information. To view a free presentation for your business, school or organization, call Linda Haft 201-842-8869)
Linda Haft