A Letter to the Editor
Dear Editor:
I’m getting fed up with all these support groups and 12-Step Programs. There’s Alcoholics Anonymous, Gambler’s Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Cocaine Addicts Anonymous, and Sex Addicts Anonymous. There are programs for shoplifters, shopaholics, claustrophobics, closet cases, exhibitionists, cross-dressers, compulsive-obsessives, impotent men, frigid women, gay divorcees, parents without partners, tall singles, little people, people with low esteem, people out of work, workaholics, chocoholics, people who need people, people who hate people, people who hate bugs, people who are paranoid they’re being bugged, people who are buggin’ out…
When will it end?
Our society has become dependent on support groups. There’s a specialized group for any and everything. Then there are the people who want to join a group but are grappling with the issues. For instance:
Would a chronic reupholsterer have to be recovering from recovering?
Would a nun who wanted to quit kickboxing be allowed to kick the habit?
Would a necrophiliac drummer have to pay dues if he were a deadbeat?
Would a person with a Stairmaster obsession be allowed to join a 12-step program?
Would a member of Masturbators Anonymous be permitted to take matters into his own hands?
Would a person who spent too much time on the telephone be allowed to call someone to talk about her problem?
Would a member of Procrastinators Anonymous ever find anyone else at a meeting?
Would people who are addicted to geometry have to sit in a circle?
Would irresponsible CPAs be made accountable for their actions?
Would a woodchuck chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I, for one, say, "Grow up America!" We need to stop being babies who need our mommies to get through life. We need to grin and bear it when we realize we are obsessed with sex or chocolate or really nice clothes. We need to win on our own, not with a group of losers who are eager to accept us as members. And lastly, we need to stop supporting support groups. Take back the church basements and community centers and hospital lounges and school lunchrooms. Use them as they were meant to be used – for Bingo and bake sales and craft shows and as sanctuary for the occasional troubled loner who wanders in to sob in anguished solitude. Yes, it’s time to take charge of your life and stand on your own two legs like the man or woman or hermaphrodite you were born to be.
I wish I could write more but I’ve got to go. I’m late for my writers’ group meeting. – Eileen Budd