What’s the worst four letter word you can say to a Catholic???
LENT – that wonderful season of guilt (the driving force behind Catholic dogma) and atonement is upon us, and after a rough and raucous Mardi Gras celebration at Oddfellows Rest (80 River Street, Hoboken) it has become abundantly clear what I need to give up for Lent in order to get back into good graces with the big guy. No, I’m not going to weasel out and say Cajun food, I’m talking about the liquid devil himself – BOOZE!
Now I know a lot of you out there think I can’t handle 40 days and 40 nights of abstinence, and I for one agree with you. That’s why I have adopted a more pragmatic philosophy to my penitence: I have given up drinking any and all alcoholic beverages – ON WEEKNIGHTS ONLY.
While that may sound like a complete cop out to many, when you look at the sheer volume of imbibing opportunities I have now alienated myself from, it puts it into perspective. By weeknights, I mean "school nights," nights when I have to work the next day. So no more "Sunday Fundays," "Moist Mondays," "Tipsy Tuesdays," "Wet Wednesdays," or "Thirsty Thursdays." No more Happy Hours, After Hours, or Lunch Hours. I’m confined to club soda on dart night, and I’m watching Syracuse basketball games on the couch instead of the barstool.
These may sound like minor sacrifices to a lot of people, but to a dedicated bar patron like me, it’s quite a lot to give up.
Granted, I still have the weekends. But I work Friday nights, cutting me down to Saturdays. That gives me a little something to look forward to though – a sort of Slim Fast approach to sobriety: the shakes for the first part of the week, the shakes for the second part of the week, and a sensible bender for the weekend.
I have to admit, I’m not doing this for the sake of my Catholicism (sorry, Mom). In fact, the last time I went to church on my own recognizance, my dog was hit by a truck a few hours later. So I got the hint!!! (The dog was okay, just a bit shaken – as was her owner.) I just think that every now and then a person should scale back on something that they know is bad for them, if for nothing else simply to see how they do without it.
My personal opinion on the best way to quit something is not to tell anybody you’re quitting it, that way they can’t constantly ask you how the quitting is going – thereby reminding you of the thing you’re trying to quit!!! (You might have to read that sentence again; it’s a little dizzying but makes sense if you think about it.) So I’ve already ruined that philosophy by writing announcing my intentions to scale back my boozing in the paper – I can just be thankful that nobody ever reads this column, so they won’t be in my face about it.
For those of you who do read this column, you can look forward to exciting pieces on the $3.99/12-pack of Coca-Cola at Quick Check (222 Washington St., Hoboken) or the fantastic price special on Juicy-Juice at Kings Supermarket (1212 Shipyard Ln., Hoboken).
Everyone else, I’ll see you back at the bars on April 1st. Pretty ironic that the first weekday after Lent is April Fool’s Day. We’ll see if I’m back to making a fool of myself by then.
If you know how I can effectively waste $50 in the metro area, please write to:
"Hal Wastes His Wages"
c/o The Hudson Current
1400 Washington Street
Hoboken, New Jersey 07030
Or via e-mail:
Current@hudsonreporter.com