Dear Editor:
The following is an open letter to former President Clinton.
Dear Mr. President:,
Congratulations on leasing office space in Harlem. It was a brilliant coup after the brouhaha over the 57th Street site. While I hope everything goes well and you eventually occupy the building, I would like to suggest that you consider Hoboken as a location for a second office. Please allow me to point out some advantages.
Availability. We are currently building in excess of 1 million square feet of office space. Half of it has been rented by a publishing house. The other half is still available despite a huge demand for space in Jersey City. Since the building is still under construction, you should be able to have a rumpus room installed, including mirrors on the ceiling, a Jacuzzi and a climate controlled cigar storage room, without disrupting things.
Cost. Commercial real estate in Hoboken real estate costs much less than comparable space in New York. This is due primarily to our Mayor and City Council handing out tax abatements. You can get a great deal and save the U. S. taxpayers a bundle.
Location. The office building is on the waterfront with a great view of Pier A park. During the summer you and your staff (both male and female) can grab your binoculars and check out the sun bathers. Our local parks all have dog runs, and they’re a great place to meet people, so please feel free to bring Buddy with you.
Job Opportunities. Hoboken believes in full employment. Anyone in town who wants a job can get one with the City, a municipal agency, or the Board of Education. This is true even if they have no useful skills or if they have a criminal record. You should be able to get big bucks from our Mayor. He might even consider your time as Governor of Arkansas and President in calculating longevity pay. Since you have agreed to have your law license suspended for five years, he can’t throw legal work your way, but he could give you open ended consulting contracts. This job could easily make up for a large part of the speaking fees you are going to miss due to the controversy surrounding the Marc Rich pardon.
Well trained work force. Hoboken is full of young adults in their twenties for you to hire as interns.
Restaurants and Shopping. There is a McDonald’s close to the site of the office building in case you get the urge for a Big Mac. Other places include a Johnny Rocket’s and a cigar store. There are lots of other great restaurants in town. Many of them have a back room so you and your interns can have your lunch meetings in private. We used to have a sexy lingerie store, but it closed a few years ago. However, there is a mall nearby with a Frederick’s of Hollywood and a GAP.
I hope that in view of all its advantages that you will consider coming to Hoboken.
Jonathan R. Gordon