Dear Editor:
Bad news, like finding out you have breast cancer, is never easy to share, especially with your child. For a family facing a new diagnosis of breast cancer, it’s natural to be upset and worried. It’s also natural to want to protect your child from the pain they may experience from knowing the truth. However, there’s nothing more powerful than the truth to help bring a family close together in a time of need.
The American Cancer Society can help families through this difficult time. We recommend the following guidelines for you and your children:
A child’s reaction to this news will depend on many factors, including how information is presented. In a two-parent household, it’s best for parents to talk to their children together. For a single parent, it may be a good idea to have a relative or friend present in case you become distraught.
Being calm is important. But, while no one wants to alarm their child by being hysterical, it’s also important for children to know it’s okay to cry when dealing with a crisis.
All children need the following basic information: the name of the cancer, where the cancer is located, how it will be treated and how their own lives will be affected. Children under eight years old will not need to know many details. Older children deserve to know more. Check out our website at www.cancer.org for simple language and a glossary of terms.
Beyond the illness, there are other worries a child may have about breast cancer. Children engage in “magical thinking” and believe they can make all kinds of things happen. Parents need to be cognizant of this, and explain that there was nothing that the child did or didn’t do to cause the parent’s illness. A child may also worry that cancer is contagious. It’s best to correct these inaccuracies before a child has the chance to worry.
The most important psychological issue for children is their own sense of security and safety. Children depend on their parents for their basis physical and emotional needs and should be reassured that they are loved and their needs will be met. The possibility of death is the one issue that causes the most distress for families. A child should be told that breast cancer is a serious but not hopeless illness. Early detection and innovative treatment options are helping women today live longer. A parent’s response to treatment will be the determining factor in their battle. While no one can predict the future, families should approach cancer treatment with as much hope as possible.
October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The American Cancer Society is committed to sharing accurate and helpful information to families facing breast cancer. For more information or to join the fight against this disease, call 1-800-ACS-2345 and ask about our Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in your community. Your participation will support breast cancer research, education, patient and family support programs, and advocacy to ensure access to treatment for all women who need it.
Brenda Curtis
American Cancer Society, Regional Executive