Being that this is our April Fools issue, I was planning to write a spoof-coverage piece on the Academy Awards. You know, something along the lines of, “Wasn’t if funny when Angelina Jolie announced to the world that she is in love with her brother during her best supporting actress acceptance speech.” And then, approximately an hour into the show, Angelina Jolie announced to the world that she was in love with her brother during her best supporting actress acceptance speech – and I realized, once and for all, that fact is always stranger than fiction. Despite efforts made by the first-time producers of this year’s telecast, Richard and Lili Zanuck – which primarily included eliminating the dreaded dance sequences – the awards were pretty boring. Of course there was the alarming moment when the star of King Gimp flung himself from his wheel chair in a burst of excitement when they announced that his film had won best documentary short. And there was the shot of poor Chad Lowe weeping while his wife, Hilary Swank, thanked everyone, including the key grips, but forgot to mention him in her acceptance speech. And there was Cameron Diaz’ cleavage and Cher tripping on her dress and Pedro Almodovar being dragged off the stage by his co-presenter Antonio Banderas. But other than these isolated bursts of amusement, the show dragged, Billy Crystal seemed bored, and, as we all predicted, American Beauty went home the big winner, leaving Jolie’s confession the highlight of the evening and the only thing worth mentioning at the water cooler the next day. I’m sure there are those who found her declaration appropriate. Midwestern mothers probably think it’s sweet and wish their children were that close. But healthy cynics were undoubtedly troubled by what can only be read as a disconcertingly devoted relationship between siblings – even if they are half-siblings. I mean, I love my brother, but if I won an Academy Award he would be the last person I would think of to thank, let alone announce to the audience that he is the most amazing man in the world, and that I’m in love with him. But celebrities have their own standards and norms. For instance, in the real world, a beautiful and successful woman would never stay with her stuttering boyfriend after he was publicly arrested for soliciting a prostitute. A saggy 65-year-old man would never attract a 25-year-old woman – unless, of course, he was loaded. And an 11-year-old boy would never compete against a veteran British actor in his 60s. But in Hollywood anything goes, and that’s why we watch. So, vive la difference!
Our Digital Archive from 2000 – 2016
