The Enemies of the Hoboken Public Library will meet April 15 to kick off “Stack books, don’t read them” week, in which they advocate keeping a tall pile of intellectual-looking books by one’s bed without opening them. “We’re not against libraries, per se, but we are against what they stand for,” said Enemies Chairman H. J. Kerning. “Without libraries, a person could tell his friends that the reason he hasn’t read David Foster Wallace’s 1,200-page tome Infinite Jest is that he can’t spring $30 for it. With the library owning a copy, there is no excuse. It’s as if they’re forcing us to spend our time that way. Therefore, we suggest borrowing such a book, keeping it by one’s bed, and not returning it. It will no longer be in the library, and anyone lucky enough to get in the vicinity of your bed will think you’re an intellectual. Just the presence of Wallace’s page-turner will be a turnon, with no time wasted cracking it open.” Future projects will include a campaign to remove all Anna Quindlen books from the library. “She moved out of Hoboken, and half the time, she never admitted she lived here when she was here,” said Enemies Vice-President in Charge of Censorship Rita Buchbarph. “I read a book cover that said she lived in New York when she really lived in Hoboken. Now she writes a column for Newsweek and says New York is the center of the universe. And I don’t like her new haircut.” Future projects include getting current movies into the movie rental section, drawing flip cartoons in as many books as possible, and preventing the new Dave Eggers book from entering the building. For more information on the group, call Jackie Paper at 101-BOOK.
Our Digital Archive from 2000 – 2016
