My name is Elizabeth McConnell and I’ll be your cruise director this winter. Don’t worry, we’re not actually going to board any ships, and Doc Bricker is off finding the future former Mrs. Bricker. I understand, not everyone can spring for a warm weather vacation in the dead of winter, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still do almost anything you would in Vallarta (or, since it’s not the 1970s anymore, St. Thomas) without forking over a $600 deposit. Look at it this way – it’s all the fun of travel without the hassle of airplane food, hour-long taxi rides on pothole-filled cliffside roads, and bratty kids splashing right through your fax edition of the New York Times. (Although that can be arranged if you like.) Knock back a few There are plenty of area bars to enjoy year ’round. But when you go on vacation, you go tropical in your libations as well. So go for a local bar that won’t give you a Pilsner when you ask for a Pina Colada. Bahama Mama’s in Hoboken does a year ’round beach theme, for that sand-in-your-pants feeling any time you want. Pamper yourself Don’t let that facial by the gentle waters of the Pacific during your Hawaiian honeymoon (or the manicure with a view of the Gulf of Mexico on your Florida spring break) be a one-time affair. Guys, if you’ve skipped this kind of pampering before, loosen up. It’s not gender-specific. The good news is there are several great places to get facials, manicures and massages in Hoboken. New to the scene this year is Marma Day Spa, which mixes in Aromatherapy and all-day packages (with lunch catered by the Secret Ingredient). They even have majestic music that can mimic the lapping of water at the seashore, so you can really forget you’re next to a Chinese restaurant. Get that “healthy” glow One of the few lasting effects of a warm weather vacation in the winter is your tan. But you can create that just-jetted-back-from-Club Med look without coming near a boarding pass. There are tanning salons are all over the place. Sure, there’s the risk of skin cancer, but no more than the risk you would’ve taken on vacation. Don’t go overboard and get that orange hue of the terminal tanner, just make it a special occasion. If you’re fair like me, just splash on some cocoa butter for that after-tan perfumed glow. Tantaztic and Planet Sun are patronized by Hudson’s bronzest. Dress the part Now, how will you show off your tan? They sell Hawaiian Shirts at Macy’s, and some of us have that too-much-heat problem in our apartments. So it’s a requirement, really, to break out the Bermudas. Straw hats and sunglasses should always be within your reach, and with them, it’ll be hard to remember you’re in your railroad flat, not a luxurious one-bedroom suite on the water. Sleep late Remove the bags under your eyes. No amount of multicolored shirts or UV rays will cover them up. Toss out the alarm clock. Or better yet, set it for another time zone, and then sleep late through the morning too. Laze in bed, with only a late appointment for a shiatzu massage on your day-planner. Make dinner plans from bed and ponder what man our heroine will bed next in your cheesy novel. Find your inner Fabio If you’re reclined, drifting in and out of sleep with a cheap paperback novel resting on your belly, where are you? Sure, you could be on the beach in Maui, but with a few strategically placed pillows after a trip to Barnes and Noble, you could be in your own living room. Face the radiator for that warm glow you’d need the 93 million-mile away sun for at those beaches. You could even throw in a little playground sand for authenticity. Go swimming Ready for some action? The Hoboken YMCA has a lovely pool, though you’ll have to hit your own bathtub if you want to set up any elaborate slides or do any nude bathing. The Y’s pool does have the advantage of being oppressively hot, just like Jamaica. Discover the local culture When you go on vacation, how many times do you wind up chatting with the bellhop about his life or visiting-third rate ruins that are just a stomach churning bus ride away. You can recreate that nauseating bus ride experience right outside your door. No matter what your background, Hudson is ethnically diverse enough to offer something you don’t know much about. From Polish to Polynesian, there’s always a waiter or cabby to find who’ll tell you about his non-traditional (to you, of course) upbringing. Just try to avoid folks who came from the Caribbean who will make sympathetically homesick/cold. If all else fails, join us on the Lido deck (read: your hallway) for shuffleboard, bingo, and the funky chicken.
Our Digital Archive from 2000 – 2016
