It’s Thanksgiving week and the Voorhees family has a lot to be thankful for.
For one, they have each other. Charlie, Teresa, C.J. and Eric are as close as a family can be. There’s love in the household – lots of love, hugs, kisses, embraces.
That in itself is nothing short of a miracle, because considering what the Voorhees family has endured over the last 17 years, one might have to wonder if anger could have overwhelmed the love.
“We are thankful for the help and support we receive from all of our friends, and most importantly the support we get from our immediate and extended family,” said Charlie Voorhees, the athletic director and head football coach at Secaucus High School.
Seventeen years ago, Charlie and Teresa Voorhees thought they were bringing a healthy and happy baby boy into their family, named Charles James. They were both teachers – Charlie in Secaucus, Teresa teaching fourth grade at North Bergen’s Lincoln School.
But after a few months, they started to realize that C.J. was a little different.
“We knew something was wrong,” said Teresa Voorhees, who publicly is discussing her situation for the first time. “He was a happy boy, but we were in and out of the hospital with him with breathing problems.”
At age 2 ½, C.J. was technically diagnosed with having Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD).
“For all intents and purposes, it was autism,” Teresa Voorhees said.
On the same day that C.J. was officially diagnosed, Teresa learned that she was pregnant again.
“When C.J. came out of the hospital, I asked the pediatrician about the possibility that my baby could also have it,” Teresa said. “We didn’t have autism in our family. When C.J. was diagnosed, we knew no one who did.”
At that point, Charlie Voorhees went to look for answers.
“I started to do some research,” Charlie said. “I found out that every case was different.”
Sure enough, Eric was born and there were some major similarities, like not being able to speak.
“What happened? I can’t even tell you what happened,” Teresa said. “We then went for genetic testing. We spent $100,000 on vitamins and supplements, Vitamin B12 shots, speech therapy, occupational therapy.”
But the inevitable was there. The Voorhees family had two sons with severe autism.
“Everyone I knew would question it,” Teresa Voorhees said. “Why twice?”
“It was only natural to ask those questions,” Charlie Voorhees said.
At the time, Charlie thought about giving up what he loved to do most – coaching football. After all, he was a good football coach, the coach with the highest win total in Secaucus football history.
“We talked about me staying home and Teresa working,” Charlie Voorhees said. “At the time, we had nowhere to go. We didn’t get coverage for anything.
Instead of giving up coaching, Voorhees did other things to supplement his income, like doing carpentry work and construction when he wasn’t teaching and coaching. It led to a lot of long days and nights.
“I had to do it,” Charlie said. “We had no other choice. We knew it was going to be hard.”
Teresa had to give up her career as a teacher to take care of her two sons full-time.
Basically, Charlie and Teresa decided to keep their saga private.
“It really was like going through the process of a death,” Teresa said. “You grieve, accept it and then life goes on. The dreams you had for your kids are gone, like playing football with their father. Life just changes.”
“I couldn’t coach them in football or couldn’t give them any of my carpentry skills,” Charlie said.
Sure, there were days of anger.
“I remember going to church, looking up at the cross and wanting to punch Jesus Christ in the mouth,” Charlie said. “That’s how awful I felt. At that point, I knew it was hard with one. What do we do with two? Well, it meant it was going to be real hard.”
“I remember at one point having a 3-year-old and a newborn and just being so totally overwhelmed,” Teresa said. “There were a lot of days where I said I couldn’t do it anymore. All the time, he’s coaching football and I’m home with the two of them alone.”
Having two children with disabilities certainly cut down on the Voorhees’ social activity.
“We missed out on the childhood activities, like birthday parties,” Charlie said.
“We couldn’t go trick or treating,” Teresa said. “We missed on the joy of Christmas. We would buy them every toy under the sun with the hope they would like them.”
Charlie said that his boys liked going to the park or doing outdoor activities. They both also enjoyed music.
“When everyone has a baby, you hang out with friends and you get to see what their kid can do,” Teresa said. “What could my kids do? It made me think of all the things we were missing.”
“We were basically like on our own little island,” Charlie said. “We were by ourselves. We knew that we weren’t going to get invitations to kid’s birthday parties. We accepted that when we had C.J. With Eric, that’s times two.”
For years, Charlie and Teresa kept their plight secret. Sure, there were people inside the Secaucus school district who understood that Charlie and Teresa had two boys with autism. But it wasn’t publicized – until now.
Charlie thought that the time was right to address the issue.
“When C.J. was first diagnosed, we didn’t know of anyone else who had a child with autism,” Charlie Voorhees said. “But then we heard of famous people, like Doug Flutie and Sylvester Stallone and John Travolta. Then we learned of others around here and we realized we really weren’t alone. We want people to know that they can make it. Teresa and I always had a tremendous partnership, even before we had children. Having children tested us, but we were always going to find a way to make it.”
“We’ll always be four, not two,” Teresa Voorhees said. “There are four of us.”
Charlie Voorhees said that he agreed to have the story written because he doesn’t want sorrow or sympathy.
“My two boys are tough, tough guys,” Charlie said. “They prove their toughness every day. What they go through is tougher than normal.”
“Life and the world weren’t fair to them,” Teresa said. “But they are pure souls. It’s not the end of the world. If the story was going to be sad, then we didn’t want it. If it’s in your life, then things can be okay.”
C.J. is now 17, Eric is 14. They both attend school. The Voorhees family lives in Midland Park. C.J. attends special classes at Paramus High School and Eric goes to middle school in the Franklin Lakes school system.
“There’s a whole wing for autistic students at the high school,” Charlie Voorhees said. “That’s when I realized we were not alone.”
“It was much harder to accept things when they were younger,” Teresa Voorhees said. “They’re more independent now. Yes, they both have autism, but they are completely different boys.”
Although neither can speak well – C.J.’s speech is limited, while Eric doesn’t speak at all – they are cognizant and can communicate, with Eric using a special iPad program to say what he wants and needs.
“They understand everything we tell them,” Teresa said. “We treat them like they’re typical teens.”
They play soccer, basketball and run track in a local Challenger league for handicapped youngsters.
“They can’t go to a movie or go to the mall,” Charlie said. “But there are things we do. We laugh every day. We have to laugh. It’s hard not to laugh.”
The very handy Voorhees built a deck in their backyard. There’s a trampoline, shuffleboard, a putting green (C.J. has taken a liking to golf) and a swimming pool that they utilize. Both boys love to swim in the pool and in the ocean.
“They are good swimmers,” Charlie said.
But the two can never be left unattended. And there will be a day when Charlie and Teresa aren’t here for them.
“I hope that doesn’t happen for a very long time,” Charlie said.
So the Voorhees family will enjoy Thanksgiving this weekend, maybe differently than most, but in their own way, they have things to be thankful for as well, even if the Secaucus Patriots had to endure an uncharacteristic 1-8 football season.
They have each other and they certainly have love and laughter. At a recent visit, Eric gave the visitor several hugs and high fives, while C.J. was spotted snuggling in his father’s arms.
The love is there. The Voorhees family is managing to survive the trials and tribulations of having two children with autism. They hope that others can read this piece and realize that there is hope for them as well.
For anyone having issues having to do with autism and you need assistance, there are ways now to receive help by utilizing the Autism Response Team (ART). You can call 888-AUTISM2 (888) 288-4762 or email at familyservices@autismspeaks.org.
Jim Hague can be reached at OGSMAR@aol.com.
You can also read Jim’s blog at www.jimhaguesports.blogspot.com.