Well, after a long hiatus, the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” are back. Melissa Gorga was there, and hubby Joe, and Teresa Giudice, and hubby Joe, and some beautiful children.
There were new cast members: Nicole and Teresa Napolitano, who are twin sisters, and their friend Amber Marchese.
Most importantly, Dina Manzo is back, separated from player husband Tommy and contemplating divorce. Why? “He gets into situations with girls,” Dina tells us. “He’ll buy them a pocketbook and they think he’s God.”
Yeah, it’s all their fault. He spends a few hundred platonic dollars on a platonic pock-a-book and they want his body and he just can’t fend them off.
Teresa G. and Melissa G. are friends again, putting all their fights behind them. That’s ok, because there are new fights to be had.
We get our first glimpse at the home of Amber Marchese. She was friends with Melissa when they were in their 20s and partying, but they lost touch.
They went in different directions, Amber says. “I’m a Columbia graduate with a master’s in exercise physiology,” she says. “Melissa wanted to marry money….I miss her, I really do.”
Huh? With friends like that, who needs enemies? Also, what is a master’s in exercise physiology? I go to the gym and no one gives me a degree. Maybe I need to bring a $30,000 check.
Apparently, Amber married money, too, because she lives in a big house in Colts Neck. Oh, great, we’re dragging Monmouth County down too. Why are they allowed on the show anyway? That’s practically South Jersey.
Amber is a breast cancer survivor and confronts Melissa about their losing touch. Melissa says she didn’t know Amber had cancer. What a friend!
Getting to the twins…Teresa is married to Rino, who owns two restaurants in New York. She says the two of them are the king and queen of Little Italy. What is it with the narcissism on this show? We only need one Joe Gorga.
Rino talks about how he loves sex. Wow, so original. A little self doubt would work wonders for these folks.
Nicole is divorced. Maybe she can date Tommy and get a free pocketbook.
In the most classless move of this episode (and that’s not an easy thing to achieve), Rino leaves Amber’s “fall harvest” party, griping that there’s “no atmosphere.” As Teresa would say, “Are you kidding me?” How rude is that? It’s a private party in someone’s home. Be gracious. The cast should go to one of his restaurants and walk out mid-meal and say the same thing. How would he like that?
Well, we don’t really know Rino yet. Hopefully he’ll improve. Rino is kind of a cool name, anyway.
Some other revelations: Teresa Giudice started a dessert line to make money. She whips up tiramisu in a little black dress. Wish we could look that good beating an egg.
Amber’s husband looks and acts like Richie Wakile. One of him is enough, too.
One of the wives says her husband “needs Dunkin Donuts and oral sex.” Maybe he can have sex with donuts and leave her alone.
Joe Gorga lets himself be dragged to the fall harvest party. “It’s Sunday,” he moans. “I wanna watch football.” At last! Someone on this show says something we agree with! We’d rather watch something more exciting on Sunday, too.
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