NEW JERSEY — What follows is another recap of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” which has several cast members in our jurisdiction, most especially Albie and Chris Manzo of Hoboken. So away we go!
The beginning and end of therapy
So Teresa Giudice and Joe Gorga went to relationship therapy with Dr. Michael Sweeney, who, by the way, is practically un-Googleable. Is that his real name? Anyway, apparently they got zero out of it and shouldn’t have even bothered. Joe tells everyone that it was a waste because the therapist barely said anything. In other words, he didn’t say the words Joe wanted to hear: “You’re right about everything, and Teresa’s crazy.” Sorry, Joe. You just told us that you’re an “angel from God” in the last episode. I don’t think things are that cut and dried.
Both sister and brother can’t even do the basic work that Sweeney recommended. Dr. Sweeney said they should restart Sunday family dinner. Joe’s wife, Melissa, seconds the idea. Joe disagrees because has to play football that day. We can see the man has his priorities straight.
Teresa agrees to go to Sunday dinner. Quite frankly, we think a lot of people should have Sunday dinner, even non-Italians and those not in New Jersey. What happened to extended families? We could all use some pasta and sauce each week, with a side of hugs and support.
Well, that was deep.
Melissa throws a little party for her daughter’s sixth birthday, complete with thousands of dollars worth of amusements, and an events staff. This girl’s going to need a little therapy herself when she expects more and more each year and then heads out into the real world, where most kids get a paper Burger King hat and a free Whopper.
Lauren Manzo and her Mom
On to Lauren Manzo and her mom (Caroline Manzo) and the business they are starting together. Their last one flopped. But they’ve apparently got money to burn, so they’re starting a new one. The last one had to do with cosmetics, and so will this one. It’s going to be a place where you can get stuff done to your face – with a menu of services. So they’re calling it “Cafe.” Lauren tells Caroline that she really doesn’t like this name. Gosh, why would Lauren not want a name that forces her to associate something that has nothing to do with eating…with eating?? Just when she’s trying not to think about food, her facial place has a theme about food. Nice work, Mommy Manzo.
But we did notice that “Cafe” is an anagram of “Face.” Clever.
We later find out that the storefront is in Wayne. Oh goody. We’ll stop off next time we need to buy a used car.
Shirtless Joe Giudice
Please, stop with these shots. Please, I beg you. You, Andy Cohen. You’ve got to have better taste than that.
Rosie and Brianna
Just a note that we meet Rosie’s potential love interest, Brianna, in this episode. She seems sweet and far too sane for this crew.
Luscious Lindsay, the cheerleader
Later in the episode we finally meet Albie’s girlfriend, Lindsay, who’s a professional cheerleader. Hubba hubba. Mommy Manzo says that Lindsay is going to have to beware, because if Albie has to choose between work and Lindsay, he’ll choose work. Yes, that makes lots of sense, because selling black drinking water is so all-consuming that it renders you unable to spend any time on a beautiful girl. Maybe more people on this show are gay than we think?
Anyway, there are some nice exterior shots of Albie, Greg, and Chris’ apartment at 333 River St. in Hoboken. Yay for that. We need to compete with those Jersey City shots in “Snooki and Jwoww.”
The gang throws a surprise party for Greg’s birthday. All the cast members are there. But where are Greg’s friends? Did he always dream of celebrating his birthday with…Chris Laurita? Doubtful.
At the party, Melissa Gorga gives Lindsay some advice. “You’ve got to vacuum. You fold the laundry. You buy a basket of fruit. Because that’s what a wifey does.”
Really, a fruit basket?! We know what would be in her basket: Lots of bananas. And no cherries.
Tee hee hee hee hee.
By the way, she notes that she does not believe her husband, Joe Gorga, is gay. No comment.
That’s it for this episode. We have to prepare ourselves mentally for the New York Housewives on Monday, and the O.C. Housewives reunion on Tuesday. Get your fruit bowls ready and get to the couch.
And if you want to read more of the drama in Hoboken, as well as the rest of Hudson County, New Jersey, click the Hudson Reporter newspaper group at hudsonreporter.com.
For past recaps, see links below.