Juan Pecador Casanova is a handsome man. He loves the college look. He dresses in nothing but shirts and jeans and – with his dark hair and a closely shaved face – he appears somewhat younger than 50 years of age if you don’t look too closely at his neck and hands.
Juan knows how to work women with great skill to get them into his bed without spending too many dollars, in record time. He is used to dating 20-year-old girls with beautiful faces and firm bodies looking for a good time. Juan thinks nothing of his adventures because his father taught him that a man should enjoy as many women as he can, but marriage is reserved only for a pure woman to bear his children. He also taught Juan that once married to a pure woman, the man can have a mistress to get the pleasures that his pure wife denies him and there was no sin in that as long as the wife never finds out about the mistress. Juan’s father told him that this was the formula men have followed for centuries and it works if they know how to do things.
The formula made perfect sense to Juan. He vowed that he would never marry unless he fell upon a woman of strict moral character who guarded her virtue from predators such as himself. In all his years Juan had not come across such a woman, so he just lived for the thrill without the obligation.
Life was going well for Juan. He had several beautiful young lovers to warm his sheets, he had his job to cover his needs, and he was working on his dream for the future. Juan’s dream was to write a novel which would shake the world and make him rich and famous. He devoted a lot of time to working on his novel and leading a literature discussion group at the local literary society. Love and marriage were very far from his mind.
One day, in the dead of winter, a new face appeared in Juan’s literature discussion group. Her name was Angelica. She was an attractive woman of Juan’s age with conservative values, elegant clothes, and beauty to match. She entered while Juan was commenting on Tolstoy. He continued speaking as he watched her take her seat. Throughout the discussion, Angelica proved to be quite the intellectual. Her analysis of Tolstoy was nothing short of remarkable as she managed to point out things that Juan had never noticed about Tolstoy’s work. He was impressed.
The weeks rolled by and each time Juan met Angelica, he was happy to see her and hear what she had to say. He could see that Angelica was different from other women he knew. As the months went by Juan began to feel attracted to Angelica. He wanted to be near her just to smell her perfume, which reminded him of a field of fresh fragrant flowers. He missed her greatly when she did not attend.
She was on his mind all the time. This attachment presented a great problem for Juan, because he did not want to love any woman, but he could not bring himself to use Angelica like he did others. In fact, he desired Angelica most when other women were in his bed. He was very disturbed. Things could not go on this way.
Juan gave the matter some thought and devised that he would test Angelica to see if she was truly the woman he thought her to be. If she failed the test, he would put her out of his thoughts and be a free man.
Testing
One night after the discussion was over, Juan saw everyone leave and he found himself alone with Angelica. As they walked out into the freezing winter night, they chatted.
“I hope you enjoyed tonight’s discussion as much as I did.” Juan said. “The discussions are always wonderful.”
“Thanks for bringing us together,” Angelica replied.
Juan continued, “The upcoming discussions will be very interesting. I intend for us to study some books dealing with mysticism and philosophical issues. Umm…may I ask a favor of you?”
Angelica said “it depends on the favor. What is it?”
Juan said, “Would you give me a lift home, as my car is in repair? You can say no if you want and I will walk. I won’t be offended if you refuse.”
Angelica replied, “Why would I refuse? If one friend can’t give another friend a lift home on a freezing night, then whom shall she do it for? Come. My car is up ahead.”
Juan and Angelica boarded the vehicle and, as was her custom, Angelica said a quick prayer before turning the ignition. Juan was surprised to see her pray but he said nothing. When they were on their way, Juan asked, “Do you have the air conditioning running? It is freezing in here”. Angelica said, “Give it a minute. In about a minute you’ll be begging me to turn off the heat.” Juan asked, “Why is Tolstoy your favorite writer?”
Angelica replied, “Because he is a master story teller. He knew how to intertwine the divine and mundane in a very beautiful way. He understood humanity.”
Just then they passed a building Juan recognized. He said, “My ex girlfriend and I use to live together in that building up ahead.”
Angelica asked, “So where is she?”
Juan replied, “We broke up. It is a long story. If you wish I will tell you.”
But Angelica felt unprepared to hear it and said, “No thank you. You don’t have to tell me.”
The truth
Juan said, “Okay, as you wish, but I will tell you that I am a bachelor and I like 20-year-old women who are actresses and singers and wild, and that marriage is a commitment that does not go with my lifestyle. May I ask you, Angelica, why aren’t you married? You look like the marrying kind. Why aren’t you married?”
Angelica stopped for a red light and answered. “I am not married because I like my independence and I am waiting for the right man.”
Juan said “Don’t wait. The right one never comes along, and it takes a series of wrong people to find one that is right, so why not experiment?”
Angelica’s face turned red and she replied, “I don’t believe in experimenting my way to marriage. I will wait for the right one, and if he never shows up, then I end up alone with my honor and free of disease.”
Juan smiled and said, “Well, so be it, but I think you are making a mistake.”
Angelica replied curtly, “Be quiet. Leave me this way. I want to stay this way because being with the wrong man is a fate worse than death, and being used by a man is even worse than that.” Having heard those words, Juan said, “Pull over at the corner so I can go home.”
Angelica pulled over and shifted the car into park mode with the engine running, and as Juan was ready to open the door, she said, “Juan – will you answer one question for me?”
Juan cringed as he said, “Okay, but can I light a cigarette in here?”
Angelica answered, “No, you can not light up in here, and you should quit that disgusting habit. It will kill you and your clothes reek of cigarettes.”
Juan sat back and exclaimed, “Oh Geez ! Ask your question.”
“How old are you?” asked she.
Juan froze in his seat completely caught off guard by this simplest of questions. He hesitated and squirmed in his seat, but the reply was stuck in his mind, his throat or in a deep orifice refusing to come out. The best Juan managed to reply was, “How old do you think I am?”
Angelica said, “It is hard to tell.”
“Thank you.” He squirmed in his seat.
“What year were you born?” Angelica insisted. “Was it 1958 or 1960?”
Juan’s mind lit up like a Christmas tree on fire realizing that she guessed right but he could not admit to his age. He jokingly replied “let’s see. 1958…68.…78.…88…98. 2009. That would make me 51 years old. You think I’m 51 years old?”
Angelica shook her head and said, “Okay, if you’re not in your fifties, it means you’re younger…so are you 20 years old?”
Juan said, “I date 20 year olds, but I am not 20 years old myself.”
Angelica was getting tired of this game and flatly asked, “So how old are you then, or is that question highly classified like a CIA document?”
Juan was silent, bit his lip and squirmed in his seat like a horse suffering from the botts and reluctantly said “Okay. I’m 39.”
Angelica replied: “Oh I see… the birthdays stopped at 39 and you’ll be 39 forever. Is that it? You’ll be 39 forever?”
Juan said, “Yeah.”
Angelica turned her face away from him and said, “It is time for you to get out and go home. Go on … open the door and go.”
She did not have to tell him twice. He flew out of that car like a bat out of hell into the cold night. As he walked he saw her drive away and thought to himself that she was the one he would marry.
She passed his test but now he had a problem. She exposed him as a liar by asking a simple question. Juan knew that that question was her test to him and he failed it with flying colors.
He was certain that Angelica would not trust a man who lied about his age and bragged about being a playboy. Nevertheless, he knew this was the woman of his dreams and he would not give up trying to win her heart. He had never been happier to have been dismissed by a woman. He was sure he loved her. She was the one he had been waiting for and he would do everything he could to restore her trust in time.
Angelica, on her part, felt that it was God’s gift to have shown her what kind of man Juan really was before things progressed and she got disappointed. As far as she was concerned, a man who lied about his age would lie about other things – as one lie leads to another – and his philandering was a definite undesirable trait. She was looking for a serious, mature man, and not some Peter Pan who refused to grow up and take responsibility.
She opened the door to her modest but cozy apartment, slipped into her jammies, made a delicious cup of hot tea, and got into bed with her love, Tolstoy. As she drifted to sleep she blew a kiss of gratitude to God and went to sleep alone but grateful that she had been spared a heartbreak. Juan was history.
Beware
It is not easy being single in today’s world, but I guess the more things change the more they remain the same. Men have not changed since the beginning of time so women beware that the man you think is very modern could secretly be a follower of Juan Pecador Casanova’s “formula.” If that is the case, then is it a wonder that so many men hop from the bed of one sexually liberated single woman to another for fun while single women stay single or unwed mothers? Beware of the “formula.”
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