(Dr. Norquist is on vacation this holiday weekend. We are re-running a letter that was published earlier in this column.)
Dear Dr. Norquist:
The Christmas season is upon us now, and, as usual, I’m really uptight about all I have to accomplish before Christmas. I make lists. I try to plan my schedule so that I can get everything done. But it feels like too much and I’m not at all looking forward to it. Mostly I’m looking forward to when this season is over – so I can relax. I’m not sleeping well because of everything I have to get done. I’m kind of hyper and irritable and not really there for my kids. What can I do to make this season more enjoyable?
Dr. Norquist responds:
You are approaching this season as a list of things to be done by a certain deadline. This leads to feeling overwhelmed because you are focusing on the future, seeing everything that you must do (the “whole ball of wax”) instead of what needs to be done next. A much less stressful, more efficient, and more enjoyable way of approaching life is to see it as a series of simple things that can be easily taken care of, one at a time. By focusing on one thing at a time, you no longer feel overwhelmed. Also, if you are taking life one moment at a time, there is never a question of having enough time. Simply practice focusing on doing in each moment what needs to be done in that moment and you’ll be amazed how everything works out. Try not to worry about later as this outlook only creates stress. What needs to be done later will be done when ‘later’ becomes ‘now’. We can never actually do anything later. Thinking of what needs to be done in the future, along with what needs to be done now, is a sure formula for feeling overwhelmed and “stressed-out”. It reduces your efficiency and dissipates your energy.
The essence of what I’m suggesting is that you practice being in the present moment. The stress of the holiday season is providing you with an optimal opportunity to experiment with this way of experiencing life. Remember to enjoy your life. Relaxation and fun exist in the present moment. Being in the present moment is also a wonderful antidote for stress, insomnia and irritability. For further information, and techniques for accessing this experience, see Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book Wherever You Go, There You Are.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed psychologist (NJ #2371) in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling Services, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling Services, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding health-related concerns. 2009 Chaitanya Counseling Services