Eddie Egg and Erma Egg met in the refrigerator, where they were getting to know each other.
“Where are you from?” Eddie asked.
“I’m from Egg-land,” Erma said.
“Really!” Eddie replied. “I knew a bread muffin from Kent once!”
“Not England,” Erma explained. “Egg-land, that’s my brand. How about you?”
“Oh, um, I’m from Welsh Farms.”
“Nice. I’ve never been to Wales.”
Eddie was about to explain that he was from New Jersey when Erma began talking about how happy she was that her Uncle Humpty had been saved when Oliver Cromwell’s horses and men were able to put him back together again.
“I’m a Puritan now!” she said.
“That’s wonderful,” said Eddie. “I wish I could have saved my cousin Earl. He was a good egg.”
Eddie told Erma about how his cousin Earl was sent to the skillet. Eddie almost cracked as he told his tale.
“I heard him yell, ‘I don’t want to fry!’ But at least he kept his sunny side up.”
Erma sympathized with him, recalling her cousin Emily who had met the same fate. Even worse, her shell was used to make igloos for an Eskimo diorama as a school project.
“Igloos?” said Eddie. “Man, that’s cold.”
“Yes.” Erma said. “It’s something I can’t get over easy.”
“I’m just glad Eric is gone,” said Eddie, referring to the refrigerator bully. “I couldn’t stand him always picking on me. He was one hard-boiled character.”
Just then, the refrigerator door opened and a human hand put in a tray of Easter eggs. Eddie and Erma looked with horror at the colored eggs settling in with the white eggs. They were green, blue, orange, yellow, purple – a rainbow coalition. This got Eddie and Erma all scrambled.
“There goes the refrigerator!” Erma exclaimed. “Those nice brown Peking duck eggs were all right, but these eggs look queer!”
Eddie and Erma despised the red egg on sight. “Red as the ace of hearts!” Eddie said in disgust. “He must be their leader.”
“You mean?” said Erma.
“Yes,” Eddie answered, “he’s a community organizer! Nothing but trouble!” Eddie stared at Red intensely. “He must be a Commie!”
Red had had enough. “Yo!” he blurted out to Eddie and Erma. “I’m a good egg, just like you. Eggs like us may be around only once a year, but we’re just as delicious, and we’re just as proud to be eggs!” He turned to his brethren. “We’re a pretty diverse lot!”
“I’m a staunch environmentalist,” said the green egg, “and I go well with ham.”
“I’m always sad,” said the blue egg, “but I keep my chin up.”
Eddie and Erma looked at each other.
“Maybe we were too hard on these Easter eggs,” Eddie said.
Erma, ever the Puritan, disagreed.
“They look a little too festive to me. They don’t stand up for traditional egg values. As far as I’m concerned, they’re eggs Benedict Arnold!”
The orange egg was getting annoyed.
“‘Orange’ you ashamed of yourself?” he said to Erma with a smile. The yellow egg then gingerly stepped out of the tray.
“I’m usually too scared to say anything, but I think you’ve been very unfair to us!” He turned to Erma. “You seem like a rotten egg to me!”
Eddie angrily jumped out of his tray and said “Hey there, fellow, with the shell colored yellow, what’cha tryin’ to prove?”
The frightened yellow egg took three steps back.
“Don’t worry, ol’ yellow,” said the purple egg as he confronted Eddie. “I’ll protect you!”
Eddie and the purple egg started fighting, and it happened in an instant. Eddie was about to wobble over when he decked the purple egg knocking him off the shelf. The purple egg landed on the shelf below and cracked open. There was yolk all over.
As Cromwell’s men opened the refrigerator door to save Purple, Erma gasped.
“Oh my gosh!” she declared. “They’re just like us without their shells! We’re all the same!”
Eddie was upset as he and Red hugged each other out of mutual respect.
The following day, Eddie and Erma were gone. Someone had poached them! – Steven Maginnis
Steve Maginnis is a frequent contributor. Comments on this piece can be sent to Seana@hudsoncurrent.com.