Editor’s note: This is an advice column for men and women who want a real opinion. Due to the saturated singles scene in Hudson County, the Current has found a relationship guru who will help with all your dating dilemmas. Look for advice here every other week.
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
How do you know if late nights at the office are really work related? How do you know meeting a friend for drinks, even though it’s a female friend, is just a casual meetup? My boyfriend has this friend, who happens to be a girl he’s known a long time, and I just have a hard time believing that he hasn’t hooked up with her in the past. He swears he hasn’t, but he’s hooked up with a bunch of his other female friends in the past, but he doesn’t speak to them so much anymore. This girl he keeps talking to, and he says I’m being ridiculous and should just trust him, but don’t I have reason to suspect something’s up? I mean, why this girl? What’s so special about her? I’ve asked to talk to her a couple times, thinking that would relieve the tension, but it didn’t help. She seemed nice, I guess, but I couldn’t tell anything about her over the phone. Maybe I should go with them, but he’s afraid I’m going to attack her or be nasty to her or something if I see her in person. How can I tell for sure what’s really going on? – Suspicious
Dear Suspicious:
Why do I get the feeling you’re the kind of girl that gives us all a bad name? Let’s just say for the sake of argument that you’re not that type, and that your fears are reasonable.
The only red flag to me is that he doesn’t want you two to meet, but again, he seems more worried about how YOU will behave…it sounds as if he’s well-acquainted with your claws. There’s no evidence that you should distrust him, yet his efforts to ease your mind haven’t worked.
In the end, what’s the worst that can happen? You find out he’s cheating with her and you two break up? Yes, well then so be it. But in the meantime he still deserves your trust.
I think the reality is that you are naturally prone to suspicion. The only way to handle that is to find yourself a man who is comfortable living under your thumb. This one will probably keep giving you trouble.
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
I’m doing this bachelorette party scavenger hunt thing for my sister who’s getting married. You have to find all kinds of crazy things like an ex-boyfriend on a really bad hair day and a drink with a dirty name, but some things that the guy I’m currently dating is taking exception to. For example, one thing on the list requires you to get a kiss from a hot blonde man who’s a complete stranger. It’s all meant in fun, but I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months, and this may get serious soon. While he’s certainly not the crazy-jealous type, he definitely doesn’t like the idea of me getting a kiss from a stranger. He thinks it’s in poor taste and he’s asking me to bow out of the scavenger hunt. Is that really necessary? I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong here, but it’s beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. Should I really give up all this fun to make him feel better? What am I supposed to do here? – Champion-in-the-Making
Dear Champion-in-the-Making:
Y’know what? I have a real problem with these bachelor/bachelorette parties. You’re basically asking for a night off from your commitment. It’s alright to cheat, ‘cuz it’s all in good fun!! Right? No, you’re full of crap. Why should your boyfriend accept some wild night out, during which you’ll be teasing, flirting with, and kissing other men? Are your reasons along the lines of ‘my friend only gets married once!’ or ‘it doesn’t really count!’?
You’re pushing it. And let me guess, if he doesn’t accept it, all of your girlfriends will confront you with hands-on-hips and lips pursed, and tell you he’s trying to control you …am I right?
How about this…if you’re getting serious about this guy, how is it that you’re so comfortable hitting on other men? What does that say about you?
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
I recently got engaged! I’m very excited! I met the man of my dreams my first year of college and we’re getting married as soon as we can, which may not be until 2010 unfortunately, because we don’t have much money and we need to save up just to have a basic wedding. So, as you can tell, I’m bursting with joy. My family on the other hand, not so much. My parents aren’t rich, but they were always able to provide for me, and they’re concerned, to put it politely. The big argument is over the engagement ring. It’s not like he got it out of a bubble gum machine, but it’s not “real” as my father keeps saying, which severely irks me, because he might as well be saying that the engagement isn’t real. The ring was bent and he noticed it, and now he won’t stop bringing it up that my fiancé couldn’t even afford to buy me a nicer ring. I am perfectly happy with the ring! I love it! And I know that’s all that matters, but my mom and my brother seem to secretly agree with my father, even though they won’t say anything, and I just want to go into this without my father looking down on my fiancé. I probably shouldn’t care, but it’s my father … So what do I say or do and how do I go about it to put an end to this tension? I want to nip it in the bud before it gets worse. – Just Engaged!
Dear Just Engaged:
First of all, take a moment to make sure you don’t secretly agree with your father.
Assuming that you sincerely don’t care about the ring, then your father really is on the wrong side of this. And if you’re willing to put up with it, then perhaps you’re not quite mature enough to get married.
For the record, you might want to tell your father that many marriages have begun without a diamond. It’s not uncommon for a couple to commit to each other before they have reached real financial security, and I’ve known couples who purchase the ring they always wanted as late as their 10th anniversary!!
Tell Daddy, in no uncertain terms, to knock it off or else!
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County’s singles when she’s slinging drinks. While she doesn’t consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem!
If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to current@hudsonreporter.com. Please put in the subject line “Ms. Fix-it.” The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.