Editor’s note: This is an advice column for men and women who want a real opinion. Due to the saturated singles scene in Hudson County, the Current has found a relationship guru who will help with all your dating dilemmas. Look for advice here every other week.
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
I used to go out with this girl, but we broke up and she started seeing this guy I really can’t stand. Then I started going out with this guy’s ex-girlfriend. I’m not friends with him, so it shouldn’t matter, right? We met and there was a connection. It’s not like I purposely tried to hook up with his ex or anything like that, but he found out about it, and now he’s trying to get back with his ex, who is now my girlfriend, and my ex is even madder at me, because she blames me for getting involved with this guy’s ex.
Sound complicated? Well, that’s only because it is!
It’s gotten so bad that this guy has come to my house to threaten me for seeing his ex. All this while he’s seeing my ex, and looking to break up with her to get back with his ex. And I never cared about him seeing my ex. She left me, so she can do what she wants, but this is out of hand. I’m this close to walking away from all of them, but we all know the same people and have the same friends, and I don’t want to lose my entire social circle just because of this BS.
Is there ANY way to settle this without restraining orders? I mean, if I break up with his ex, would everything else just work itself out and take all this pressure off me? – Under Pressure
Dear Under Pressure:
Um…yes! I gotta tell ya, it doesn’t sound like you care at all for this girl you’re dating…so why bother with her? Sorry to be callous, but this is all nonsense, and she doesn’t sound worth it. You’re involving yourself in this drama, whether you want to admit it or not.
If you DO like the girl, then just hang in there. He’ll get bored and leave you alone if you just ignore him…just like your mom probably told you about the kindergarten bully.
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
I’m an animal lover, and I’ve always had pets, so wouldn’t you know that the guy I’ve been seeing steadily for three years is highly allergic. He wants me to make the commitment and move in. I’ve never been afraid of commitment, but that would mean I have to give up my two dogs. (He’s so allergic that even medicines and the allergy shots some people take won’t help).
I’ve had these dogs, Rusty and Raven, since they were puppies – they were even from the same litter. I love them, and they love me. They’ve been my only company, as I have lived on my own for seven years now. I got them as soon as I started college, so I wouldn’t be lonely going to school and moving out of my parents’ house. I can’t imagine life without them, and I can’t bear the thought of giving them away. My boyfriend says I’m being unreasonable and that I can find a perfectly good home for them with a new family. I’d rather keep my animals, and I’m not sure I’m willing to give them up to make this move. I do love this guy and I might have a really serious future with him, and after a lot of thinking, I believe I could give up having pets of my own if I could spend the rest of my life with him, but I can’t give these two up right now, and their life expectancy would mean they’d live another eight years or so.
Would it be wrong to delay living together that long, or should I just try to find a suitable home where I can visit them when I get the chance? – Pet Person
Dear Pet Person:
Do you really need me to explain to you that human relationships are more important than those you share with your pets? I’m sure there are those who’d disagree with me, but you didn’t ask them; you asked me.
On the other hand, you should probably take some time to think about how right this relationship is for you. I know you probably feel like ‘he’s the one’ and yadayadayada. But really, if you’re this passionate about your animals, then how good a match could he be? You need a little more time to sort out your priorities before you go dumping your precious puppies. If you really want this guy, though, start exploring your dogs’ options and find one that you’re really comfortable with. Don’t break your heart over it…it really wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County’s singles when she’s slinging drinks. While she doesn’t consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem!
If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to current@hudsonreporter.com. Please put in the subject line “Ms. Fix-it.” The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.