Dating can be tough, whether you meet in a bar, online, or through friends.
Who can keep track of all the rules to follow? What are the number-one turnoffs? Is it possible to meet someone in a Laundromat? Should you ever talk about an ex? How can you make sense of it all?
To help, we went on the street to find out what people are really thinking. To protect the guilty, all names have been changed.
Myth vs. reality
So, is it possible to meet someone in a Laundromat, coffee shop, or grocery store? Every respondent – male and female – said no, except for one guy.
“Gentleman Jack,” 30, said, “I met a girl on a checkout line and we dated for two years.”
The majority of you think that a bar is a good way to meet people. Many singles have met at a bar and dated for a while. Most of the male participants in this survey haven’t tried online dating, but a few said they weren’t opposed to it. Yet many of the female respondents have tried several services.
He said…
The guys had plenty to say about the worst behavior they’ve seen on a date. A guy calling himself “No Phones,” 25, said that a girl he was on a date with talked on her cell phone the entire time.
A guy calling himself “Be Honest,” 24, said that a girl he was dating got really drunk on a date.
“Gentleman Jack,” said a girl he was dating was a bad customer who sent everything back.
“Trustworthy Tom,” 26, said that a girl he was dating got really drunk and walked off.
“Get to Know Me,” 25, said he hates it when a girl flirts too much or tries too hard.
“Respectful,” 47, said he hates it when a girl acts like a princess.
Most of the guys agree that drinking on a date is a good idea, but think that women should watch their intake. “Old School,” 32, said that a good first date should involve “having drinks and having a good time.”
So why didn’t he call?
Ladies, if you want your man to call you for a second date, don’t: call him, talk about religion, try too hard, ask him how much money he makes on the first date, or answer your phone every time it rings.
“No Phones” said, “If a woman calls a lot and is really aggressive at first, it is a turnoff. You have her in your back pocket, so why should you care?”
“Trustworthy Tom” said that he won’t go out with a woman again if he can’t see himself with her for whatever reason.
The guys offered advice to women.
“Gentleman Jack” said, “Obviously if you don’t have sex on the first date, the guy will respect you more. If you want to have a relationship you wait a little bit. Even if you want to have sex – it’s the anticipation that makes it good.”
“Be funnier. Don’t drink so much. If a girl was on her cell phone while I was there, I would leave,” said Be Honest. “Women need to be a little more upfront. Show a little interest. Don’t make the guy do all the work. A lot of times I act like I’m not interested because I’m waiting for them,” said Trustworthy Tom. “It’s good to date a guy who has sisters,” said Old School.
“Be a little more open. Don’t just judge on looks, because that deteriorates pretty quickly. You have to have a personal connection,” said No Phones. “Don’t put so much emphasis on the relationship. Don’t rush things. Get to know the person,” said Get to Know Me.
She said…
The women had lots to say about bad behavior in men. But mostly they think a man should be polite and respectful on a date. And guys – please don’t monopolize the conversation.
“Gun Street Girl,” 31, has had a lot of dates through the internet. While most are good, she has had some terrible times. One guy kept asking her to sit up straight. Another told her, “Just say the word and I’ll pack a bag and come over to your place.” A guy she dated for awhile told her in bed that he had a girlfriend And yet another left her a voicemail before their second date saying, “I hope you’re clean, because I’m allergic to latex.” He never got that second date.
“Relationship Gal,” 30, said that she had a guy drive away before she got to inside her front door after the date. Just in case he didn’t realize it that time, she went out with him again. He did it again, and that was it.
“Serious,” 23, said that she hates guys that are inconsiderate and talk only about themselves.
“Online,” 30, said that cheap guys are a turnoff. She had a Match.com date. On the date, she had a beer and he had a soda. When the check came, she offered to pay half, but her date told her to just leave the tip. When she realized she didn’t have cash, she pulled out her credit card. Her date grabbed it out of her hand and paid the bill with her card.
A red flag
Most of the women said they didn’t mind so much if a guy waited a few days to call. But there are some things that will get guys the boot quickly, including: waiting over a week to call, racist comments, a credit card that bounces, or a misrepresentation of yourself.
The women offered advice to men.
“I think there is too much concern with friends telling them what to do. If they had a good time, why wait? Just go out,” said Serious. “Or if it’s not working, just say, ‘I had a really great time, but I don’t plan on seeing you again.”
Relationship Gal said, “Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself! Have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun. If it’s too hard don’t bother. Funny is important. If you can’t laugh your relationship is doomed.”
“We live in a town where people either have money, power, and ambition, or they think or wish they do,” said Online. “Their eyes are always open to bigger and better, skinnier and prettier. They want the ‘perfect girl’ and don’t commit.”
“I think people are dating for the sport of it. They aren’t dating to find the right person. Be polite and fun. If you don’t click, you don’t click,” said Gun Street Girl.
And if you don’t click, don’t be surprised to get an e-mail saying you’re done.
While the women said that for a serious relationship, it should be face to face, if you only went out a few times, some felt that it is acceptable to e-mail a guy. “It’s easy. You move on quickly, pain-free,” said Online. “If I’ve only gone on a few dates, I’ll just shoot out an e-mail. Most guys don’t call at all, which is worse,” said Gun Street Girl. “I think [e-mail is] tacky unless the person was a freak and you literally had a very short time together,” said Relationship Gal.
Is there a better way?
While both sexes think that bars are a good place to meet, most of the guys said that through friends or work is the best way. While the women agreed, they thought that the internet works sometimes, or a sports team. “I think people aren’t honest enough. It’s not the end of the world if a relationship doesn’t work out. People go on dates with too high expectations,” said Be Honest.
“I don’t know, there are so many sites out there now. I feel like it is too forced. If I’m in a relationship or not, I don’t really care. People try to force it. Some people like to go out on dates,” said Gentleman Jack.
“I think people are scared. Who wants a guy that calls immediately? But who said it had to be four days?” said Relationship Gal.
“I honestly want to tell people to talk to somebody you don’t know. There are so many missed opportunities,” said Online.
If you have an interesting dating story or complaint you’d like to share, please send it to: current@hudsonreporter.com.