Dear Dr. Norquist:
I’ve been waking up with an incredible feeling of panic, off and on for the past month or so. I guess it’s been three or four times now. My heart starts racing, and I’m overwhelmed with nervousness. I’ve been anxious during the day off and on also – but the nighttime jitters really take me by surprise and sometimes now I get anxious wondering if I’ll wake up to that feeling of panic. It’s really uncomfortable – and I don’t know why it’s happening. I don’t have any obvious stress in my life right now. In fact, this is a calmer time than usual. I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way. Could you give me any advice?
Dr. Norquist responds:
Given your symptoms, I’d suggest that you look into the possibility that you are hypoglycemic. Hypoglycemia symptoms include internal shakiness, rapid heartbeat, acute anxiety, frontal pressure headache, and panic attacks. It is not uncommon for these symptoms to appear in the middle of the night. These symptoms are generally at their worst three or four hours after ingesting food (or drink) that is high sugar, caffeine, and heavy starches (especially potatoes, rice and white pasta). Other more chronic symptoms of hypoglycemia include fatigue, irritability, insomnia, depression, facial flushing, dizziness, and headaches. Hypoglycemics often crave sugar or carbohydrates, and experience hand tremors, anxiety, or a feeling as if they are going to faint if they go for too long in between meals. Take a long look at your diet, the timing of your symptoms and the degree to which you can personally relate to the symptoms of fibromyalgia and decide whether or not you should pursue this further with your family physician. It may be helpful to keep a list of everything you eat including the time that you ate it, and the timing of any hypoglycemic symptoms that you experience.
If the hypoglycemia profile does not match your symptoms and experience, please write back with more information and we will explore the possibility that you are experiencing anxiety-related panic attacks.
Dear Dr. Norquist:
Recently, I’ve felt hurt and betrayed by a trusted friend. This is the third time a similar situation has occurred in the past five years. I’ve noticed lately that try as I might, it’s hard to keep shrugging it off and going on. I feel wounded and heavy-hearted, mistrustful, hurt and angry. I can tell this stress has also left its toll on my body – with aches and pains, and a lot of tension. I’d like to find a way to let go of my anger and feel safe enough to move forward in the positive trusting way that used to be so natural for me. How do I let go of all of this pain and anger from the past?
Dr. Norquist responds:
Have you noticed how easy it is for young children to trust and to see the good in others? As time goes on, maintaining this state becomes more of an art that we practice than something that just naturally occurs. We enter this world with a wealth of assets – openness, love, faith, trust, and purity. Maintaining and developing these assets takes a more and more concerted effort as we grow older and we experience hurt after hurt, broken trust after broken trust. How do we understand that first betrayal of a best friend, or that lover who left us for another after we gave our heart to him? How do we find a way to understand parents who neglect, abuse, and use their children? How can we feel open, light-hearted, and trusting in the current world milieu?
I do not have a complete answer for this, but I do know the importance of continuing to work to regain these assets. For walking through life mistrusting others and the world, holding on to anger and hurt from past situations, and habitually defending ourselves from further hurt creates a hellish life of unhappiness, loneliness, and misery. For our own sake, as well as our loved ones, we need to take on the challenge of consistently working to cleanse ourselves of the hurt, anger, mistrust, and guardedness that we carry from the past.
Try not to blame your feelings on other people. Our feelings are our own creation, the result of our own perceptions and reactions to people and situations in our life. To be free of these negative reactions, we need to see others in a new way. We all have past scars that distort our perceptions of others. These scars and the resulting distorted perceptions are at the root of the hurts, anger, and consequent mistrust that we experience in life. I do not believe that people are innately mean or untrustable. Sometimes prior hurts and injustices can lead to the desire to be mean and hurtful. Most often, others are so caught up in their own distortions that they are unaware of the effect that their actions have on others. The more emotionally injured someone is, the more rigid and habitual their distorted perceptions become – thus setting them up for further injury.
You must choose to let go of your anger and pain. It will likely fade overtime, but it will not just disappear. Forgiveness is helpful in letting go of anger. Forgiveness does not condone another’s actions. It does require that you be willing to let go and move on. Anger is very seductive. It’s extremely easy to get caught in a cycle of self-righteous thinking that maintains your anger, hurt, and distortions, and sets you up for future similar experiences. To forgive and move on, you must rise above your self-righteousness. Forgiveness is also much easier if you try to understand the incident from your friend’s perspective. Try to understand what each of your distortions might be, and what the intention was for each of you. Watch your thoughts, and practice letting go of internal perceptions and attitudes (such as blame) that serve to add to your distortions and your negative armor. Your rewards from making a practice of doing this will be a life that is happier and healthier and much more rewarding.
Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken. Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding and treating physical symptoms and health-related concerns. Practitioners of the following techniques are available to answer your questions: psychology, acupuncture, therapeutic and neuromuscular massage, yoga, meditation, spiritual & transpersonal psychology, Reiki, CranioSacral Therapy, and Alexander Technique 2004 Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center