(Dr. Norquist is on vacation this week. We are re-running letters that were published earlier in this column)
Dear Dr. Norquist:
My life is pain. My wife and daughter have left me. I have been fired from my job. I have been drinking everyday and now all my money is gone. The other night I woke up on my roof. I was laying right at the edge with my arm hanging off. I must have climbed the fire escape in a blackout. The funny thing is that I just shrugged it off. I think I want to die. What do you think, doctor? Is life really worth living?
Dr. Norquist responds:
Somewhere inside each of us there is a spark – a spark of aliveness, drive, inspiration, or creativity. It is experienced differently by different people, and in different life circumstances. Life is an experience that is ever changing. Everyone has difficult periods – granted, some more then others. When we are depressed, as you are, we have lost touch with that inner spark that is the source of the desire to be alive. When in this state, it’s easy to believe that life will always feel this way. This is a false belief. Remember, life is constantly changing. We are always in a state of flux. You must not make any important or life threatening decisions from this depressed state of mind.
You need assistance to get your life on track again. Your drinking and your depression need treatment. You must do this for yourself because in the future, when you are back in touch with that spark, you (and your daughter) will be very glad that you did. Call 1-800-225-0196 for information on local hospitals and treatment centers that are low cost or have sliding scale fees. Also, reach out to others. Having meaningful connections with others is an important factor in alleviating depression. See how you can be helpful to others. Appreciate the world around you – the sun setting, the birds, the wind, and the rain. Remember a time in the past when you felt that inner spark. What were the conditions that encouraged that experience? Turn within, and try to sense that spark again. Remember the light shines most brightly when surrounded by darkness and despair. Please take care of yourself. Although you cannot recognize it right now, you are innately precious and special, just as you are.
Dear Dr. Norquist:
I am a 32 year-old father of two young boys and have been married just over 10 years. I’ll make over six figures this year, just bought a dream home and paid enough down to keep my bills very manageable.
For some reason, I am feeling more stress now than ever before in my life. I owe nothing except the mortgage on my home and love my wife and sons dearly. I am thrilled to be living where I am now and I am pretty much my own boss at work. My wife stays home with the boys and so we don’t have to worry about childcare, and we have a wonderful church that we love.
What I worry about are things like my son’s safety & health (ear infections & asthma), the competence of my boss, my wife’s safety, flying in airplanes, and my health. I should be on cloud nine but for some reason I’m not. What’s going on?
Dr. Norquist responds:
Can you let yourself enjoy the abundance and blessings in your life? Sometimes we get so used to trying to make everything “right” in our lives that we have trouble shifting gears and enjoying our lives. When things are good, we want to hold on to it. We become anxious that it won’t stay this way and as a result are unable to enjoy all the good in the present moment. In order to feel safe and secure, we long for control over what happens in our lives. But security sought in this way is forever alluding us, since change is a constant. Many things will happen in your life that you can’t predict or control.
Have you ever noticed that joy, happiness, and contentment can only be experienced in the present moment? Your worries are a mental habit that leave you anxious and unable to be with the contentment that can be experienced through fully being with, accepting, and experiencing the present moment. You say you love your church. Use your faith to your benefit here. Learn to trust yourself, and God; that together with God, you will be able to handle whatever comes your way (as you have proven to yourself for the past 32 years), and that whatever comes your way will be the Will of God. What matters is how you perceive and react to whatever comes your way. Everything can be approached in a manner that is uplifting to you and those around you. Everything that happens can be an opportunity for growth. Life is an adventure. Practice having faith, embracing the present moment, and living life full measure.
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding and treating physical symptoms and health-related concerns. Practitioners of the following techniques are available to answer your questions: psychology, acupuncture, therapeutic and neuromuscular massage, yoga, meditation, spiritual & transpersonal psychology, Reiki, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Alexander Technique Ó 2002 Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center.